First Lady of My Life: 08-26-08

First Lady of My Life: 08-26-08

Last night, after I went to the Bale Folclorico de Bahia (my second time witnessing the most amazing dance show I’ve ever seen), I stayed in the hotel to watch the opening of the Democratic National Convention 2008 on CNN. As much as I follow American politics these days, how could I be out of the country when these important times are unfolding? Thankfully, I could get CNN which is the channel I would have watched at home but I wouldn’t have the luxury of flipping through six other channels to see the commentary on local news, Fox News and other stations. What I especially missed tonight was being able to text some of my good girlfriends back at home (50 cents a text out of the country) to bounce my thoughts off of as would they - and if our thoughts just got too good (or wordy) to text, we’d call each other, get in our comments and tune right back in. Oh yeah, naturally the hotel doesn’t have TIVO (we are so spoiled but how did I ever watch TV without it) to go back and catch any moment I missed by "texting" too long or someone foolish enough to talk during that exact moment you needed not to miss.

Last night, there are two people I would have surely called – my friend Eulisa and my mom. Both of these women were on my mind as I watched a Black Woman, the hopeful First Lady Michelle Obama address the DNC 2008.

My friend and co-worker Eulisa is one of those take-no-mess kind of Black Woman and has exuded sacrifice and set high standards for her kids. She has three now-grown children, all of them off in college, all of them on full or partial scholarships. I am often amazed by this as I feel the anxiety of getting my one and only child off to college in less than a year. Here it is, Eulisa has three and if she ever missed a beat in raising her kids, you just wouldn’t know it. All I know is that I’ve seen each of her children start college, first child about to finish college and I can guess on what salary (we work in non-profit for the same company) so we are not rolling in the doe. In my mind, Eulisa hasn’t missed a beat. When Michelle Obama talked about a mom pouring everything into her as a child, I thought of Eulisa and so many women like her doing the same thing for their kids.

I too couldn’t help but to think about the Black Woman that poured everything into me. My mom is enormously amazing to me. I still don’t know how my mom did it, having me at 18 and my brother to follow at 19, living in ‘hood Newark, on what income – I can’t even imagine but we made it. Surely it was with the help of the village, but at the heart sustaining, sacrificing, enduring and ensuring was my mom, one of the strongest Black Women I know. Family values were taught to us, not as one or two lessons, but as a way of life. Her living her life, doing her best to provide for her kids was the example.

We took a family bus ride out of the country, to Canada when I was seven. It was that trip that opened the world for me and the foundation for my first plane ride, moving to London at age 17. My mom is still amazed that her son would find courage to do that, but why? My mom poured into me so much security and love that I always knew I had a home to come back to. And without missing a beat, and on next to no income in my mind, here we were as a family going out of the country. I know there are people in Newark who have never left the state of New Jersey, some haven’t seen outside of Newark. But my mom ensured otherwise for me. Of course, I would travel and see the world. My mom set that example that it can be done.

It’s a sacrifice to give $100 to my daughter today, so I know what sacrifice it was for my mom to give my brother and me each sparkling new bikes, leather wallets both with crisp $100 bills on what’s probably my most special and favorite Christmas 1981. That was my mom. The list is endless. At age seven, my mom moved us out of Newark, I believe one of the most single impactful decisions that shapes who I am today. And when the culture shifted in Alexandria, Virginia in how Black Men were becoming, mom moved us, purchasing her first home in Dale City, Virginia. My brother and I always had the best she could possibly provide, many times opportunities she never had growing up herself. But that was just my mom. By no means am I saying that my mom was perfect but surely, what I know whole hearted is that my mom was and still is perfect for me.

But isn’t that the strong Black women we see every day, making a way out of no way, finding opportunity in it all. That’s Eulisa in my eyes. And that’s my mom. Against all odds and landing sturdy through improbable journeys, there are Black Women. When Michelle mentioned her husband Barack talking about “the world as it is" and "the world as it should be", noting all too often we accept the distance between the two – not my mom. Not so many Black Women I know. I know I continue to live with hope because I saw the supernatural when I was young, my mom taking much of nothing and turning it into a whole lot of something for the sake of her kids. She did this right before my eyes. At my core I’m hopeful for the world and my world as it should be because I witnessed my mom’s magic growing up.

So this morning, I simply wanted to honor my mom, her name is Mommy to me still to this day. I honor Eulisa White. I honor all my regular sista girlfriends that do the damn thing daily, you know, holding together the Black family and making sure the hair is right, seemingly effortless in the same swoop. We all know the sistas, the ones who don’t let an absent father count them absent as mothers in their child’s lives. The sista that raises her kids to have values, to care about the world they live in, to care about their fellow man. The Black Women raising Black Men, keeping them healthy and safe, ensuring their survival, teaching them how to represent being a Black Man. I speak my girlfriend Kem’s name and too many regular, everyday others we must always remember to honor. The sistas who have hope like Michelle Obama, not resting on the fears they see unfolding in their neighborhoods, but the hope of what the world or just their round-the-way neighborhood can be. I see her every day, driving to work or her walking to the bus stop, catching the bus to college, working hard for her dream whether it’s to run a daycare or to run a corporation, start a non-profit for under-privileged kids or live in the White House helping to shift the trajectory of America. I look at Michelle Obama and see my mom, I see Eulisa, I see Kem, I see so many Black Women I know and don’t know, but too have huge respect for. That’s another Black Woman making it do what it do. That's what I thought last night watching Michelle Obama address the DNC.

So as some of the commentary has already mentioned the feat (and I do understand one aspect of this amazement) of a Black Woman, the First Lady hopeful addressing the DNC tonight, I too am moved, just ever so different than what some already said last night (Michelle’s speech) meant for history and our country. I too have forgotten to honor that I was raised in a climate that a Black woman could eventually be First Lady and even President, that Hilary’s 18 million cracks was superseded by 18 billion cracks in that glass ceiling placed there by Black women, many I know and love. I must remember, this is not such a strange thought for my world after all. Why would it be? I’m surrounded by Black Women who are truly superior, over-achieving, against all odds, surviving, dedicated, compassionate, enduring, strong – you know everyday Black Women. I know these women, live with these women, work with these women every day. This is not abnormal to me as it may be to media or White America. It’s just the way it is and the way it is supposed to be. That’s a normal view in my world. How could it not be? I myself was raised by Wonder Woman, powerful beyond belief, ever standing on faith even when the world had none for her having me at age 18. Sure a Black Woman can be First Lady, even President of the United States because my mom – First Lady of my world is absolutely nothing short of a living, breathing Black Queen.

Thank you to all the Black Women in my life. I honor you.