The Edutainment Report

Oprah's Final Guest: Anthony Antoine's Campaign to be Guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show

2009-11-21T01:23:00.001-08:00

Anthony Antoine's Cover of Janet Jackson's "IF" - Official (Home) Video

2009-06-29T02:55:00.001-07:00

CAUTION: THIS VIDEO IS HOT!!! Absolute self-indulgence or independent music maker genius, you decide! This is what an independent artist gets up to on "Date Night with Self." The goal: direct my own music video, shooting it with my already owned consumer use camera (Sony Cybershot DSC-T700) and editing it within software (Movie Maker) pre-loaded on my now dinosaur laptop. And do this for the lowest cost ever to make a music video - FREE! Goal 2: Ensure the video doesn't compromise on entertainment value due to no budget and small crew (only ME)! Although shots give the illusion of someone else controlling the lens, every shot is from the camera held in my hand ONLY. No one else was present for "Date Night with Self." My new video is produced, directed and edited by little ole me. I guess the rest is left to be seen. Have I created a video that carries on YouTube? How did I do? This is an independent artist taking it to the next level - GETTIN MY LIFE! I've waited long enough for a major record label to support an openly same gender loving artist in mainstream music. No major label would be brave enough to produce me as an artist or my new video. This video is me, taking matters into my own hands and stands as testiment to what being an independent artist is all about. Please subscribe to my videos! Give me some feedback! Pick up the song on iTunes or other downloads sites. Let's prove the labels wrong!

Contest Winner: Meet Danny W. (Tucker, Ga.)

2009-06-06T04:54:00.001-07:00

I must say first, I am so honored by anyone responding to enter the contest. For an independent artist, what a treat that someone cares - and cares enough to keep coming back to your website and/or has purchased your music or knows enough of your songs to have a favorite. You can't imagine what this feels like for me and I thank you Danny W., Vincent B. (runner-up), and so many others that took time to enter. Trust, I truly appreciate it.

Danny W. won very easily because he is the only person who used every avenue to enter. This awarded him 27 total points (10 Bonus for utilizing all three ways to enter). With that said, I felt no one else had a chance with Danny's 27 total points and picked again to see if Danny would be the runner-up draw. That's when Vincent B.'s name came out of a literal hat (independent artist budget) and so I want to share a little of what they have shared with me.

From Contest Winner Danny W:
My favorite Anthony Antoine song is...well I was gonna say "Dante's Got A Man", or "Shake Your Body" or "Break for Love" or "IF" from the latest CD. However, after listening to "The Revolution Will Not Be Emailed" this has now become my favorite song because it ignited something in me that I would never share..and that's what true art does!!. I have always loved music that inspired me to do something different... to live differently..and while this is not a dance song.. it did inspire! I now want to get involved in a way that I haven't before. So "The Revolution Will Not Be Emailed" is now my favorite Anthony Antoine song.

From Contest Runner-Up Vincent B:
My favorite song by you is "Sanctify." I love this song due to the content involved and today's issue with Proposition 8! I believe the freedom to marry is fundamental to our society, that the California constitution should guarantee the same freedom and rights to everyone. Over the years I've come to realize that I want to get married to the man I love and I want that union to be recognized everywhere, at home, in the work place, the state and the church. Just because I did not have the best role models for marriage does not mean that my marriage will end up the same as my HETEROSEXUAL counterparts. We as the HOMOSEXUAL community may have to provide the HETEROSEXUALS with an example of the what sanctity is, from having to fight so hard for OUR MARRIAGES! Also doing that song with The Adodi Muse was great. I saw you all perform for the first time during PHYRE week at Maurice's loft in 2007 and I loved the performance. Keep blogging and edutaining us! Much love to ya.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You both have made an independent artist smile from here to Texas.

Open Letter to Apple, Inc.

2009-05-24T00:28:00.001-07:00

Attached to this email is the most ingenious song that should be used, has to be used in iPod marketing. All of my friends and fans believe so and now it is my mission to provide you the opportunity to know the same. I’m Anthony Antoine – an independent recording artist in Atlanta and my new song is perfectly titled “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod?”

I tell everyone, this song came through my spirit; full lyrics, entire beats and melodies, additional remixes along with a marketing plan for my new song. In short, I love my iPod (the greatest invention of the millennium) and wrote what I call a love song to my iPod that also communicates my passion for music and shout-outs to some of my favorite artist that regularly “rock” my iPod. My goal for my new song “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod?” is simple – every iPod sold over the next few years is pre-loaded with what I call “The iPod Song” and/or my infectious song is so appropriate used in the already fierce ad campaign/s for what has become my dependable friend and insatiable lover – my iPod.

Imagine the news worthy story in itself: that some mildly known but jewel of independent artists who also just happens to be a great guy sent out random and not so random emails to Apple’s marketing team and anyone else who will listen with hopes of reaching that one visionary, simply smart person (insert your name here) that paid attention to an email that most others not as clever disregarded. That one imaginative prophet (again - insert your name here) instantly got it, felt the energy of the song, felt the goal for the song and responded magically by connecting the song to the already brilliant marketing/development team at Apple so that “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod?” is perfected placed where it needs to be. I truly believe this story will go down in history of successful, brilliant marketing. All of this can happen because of you!

Take a listen to my song Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod (attached). The song speaks volumes for itself. But too, take a chance and do exactly what you can to make my goal for my new song happen. Send this email to that someone who can help. And not just send the email, but make phone calls and follow through to see the goal to fruition. Let’s make it happen together! All because of your response to this email, everyone in the world can be rockin’ the hook “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod?” and Apple/iPod can continue to be recognized for being innovators – not just in digital music players, but too for taking a chance on a hard working and deserving independent artist who created the perfect song for iPod marketing. This is simply a brilliant story!!!
To learn a bit more about me as an artist, you can visit www.anthonyantoine.com.

Passionately,

Anthony Antoine

2009-05-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Win my Jennifer Hudson/Robin Thicke Gift Bag from the historic concert complete with a JHUD/Robin Thicke T-shirt, hat & more Anthony Antoine free CDs & goodies. Contest runs the entire month of May. Contest winner will be announced on Monday, June 1st by email.

There are three ways to enter to win:

1) Send me an email through the “Contact Page” on website noting your favorite Anthony Antoine song – and why? - (gets you 2 entries into contest)

2) Answer five Anthony Antoine questions correctly in an email sent through “Contact Page” on the website - (gets you 5 entries into contest)

3) Write a review of any Anthony Antoine’s music on iTunes. After review is posted on iTunes, shoot me an email through the “Contact Page” on my new website noting the review – (gets you 10 entries into contest)

Anyone completing all three entry ways will be entered in the contest with 10 ADDITIONAL BONUS CHANCES to win.

It’s that simple.

If you have any questions, shoot me an email through the “Contact Page” on my website.

FIVE Anthony Antoine Questions (HINT: All answers can be found on website or other Anthony Antoine sites - FB, MySpace, YouTube, etc.)

1. What is the name of Anthony Antoine’s first full length CD release complete with 18 songs/2 interludes?

2. Anthony’s most treasure celebrity photo is with what artist?

3. Anthony’s “Obama Hope Symbol” tattoo was featured on what news network?

4. How many videos are in the “Video Vault” on the new http://www.anthonyantoine.com/?

5. What’s your favorite Anthony Antoine song and why?

Jennifer Hudson: The Documented Story of How We Met

2009-05-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

I remember very well April 24, 2004 – the day the world stop turning and my viewing pleasure of American Idol has NEVER been the same. The night before, April 23rd, Jennifer Hudson (in my opinion) sang one of the best performances to ever grace the AI stage. “Weekend in New England” original by Barry Manilow, had never sounded better. Jennifer KILLED the performance and solidified what I already knew the premiere of Season 3 AI. Jennifer Hudson is one of the best voices of our time, easily one of the best voices to grace the American Idol stage.

At the time, a crew of 10-15 of my friends would host American Idol parties. Each week, the AI party would be at a different home on Tuesdays (the performance show). On Wednesdays (the results show), the crew would call each other to see if our predictions unfolded. Everyone had a favorite Idol and my Idol was Jennifer Hudson. I voted as did many of my friends (Season 3 – the only season I voted) and when the drama thickened with all three divas in the bottom three (Fantasia, Latoya London & JHUD) – I WAS SICK literally. AND I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING DOWN. My phone blew up with calls and I refused to answer. This has to be mentioned because although we didn’t “bet” on AI placements, there were 10-15 others ready to remind you of what you said would happen. And if it didn’t go down the way you predicted, TRUST – you would hear about it.

I use to always say that American Idol was rigged. Come on. Fantasia had never been in the bottom three and what perfect drama for television than all three divas being in the bottom three. An excellent singer’s dream (LOVE ALL THREE DIVAS) must be sacrificed on America’s biggest reality singing competition. Ratings are how a television show makes money and there you have it. Ratings! Three divas in the bottom – increase ratings! Cut Jennifer Hudson – increase ratings. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it.

I don’t think I answered my phone for three days – thankfully, texting wasn’t as popular then. I stopped going to the American Idol parties. I took days off work. I went into what I referred to as The Great Depression of 2004. I know. Is it that serious? YES! I promise, the first time I heard Jennifer Hudson’s voice, it sent chills through my body. Few artists can move me in the way Jennifer Hudson’s voice can. And not only that, (and call me crazy or whatever) but it was a spiritual chill that Jennifer’s voice communicated to me. It was hard to sit through a Simon critique of Jennifer because every time he spoke, I was sure he didn’t understand what was singing before him. Everything that has happened to Jennifer Hudson since Idol, I promise, I could see and feel whenever she would sing. It was spiritual.

So, naturally, I had to go to the American Idol 2004 Tour. I took my then 13 year old daughter Vogue with me to the show. Everyone thought that I was there for Vogue to have a concert experience, and I was. But when Jennifer Hudson hit the stage, I lost it (thankfully I didn’t lose my child LOL). There were those chills all over again and being in the 5th row (1st row when Jennifer hit the stage), Jennifer sang much of the songs directly to me.

The concert was amazing (not just Jennifer). Fantasia and Latoya joined Jennifer for Beyonce’s “Dangerously in Love,” George Huff and Jennifer sang Prince’s “Nothing Compares to You” – and even John Peter Lewis singing Outkast’s “Hey Ya” with the three divas singing back-up. I was floored by an American Idol concert. I was so caught off guard by how much I enjoyed the show. On the way home, I called my brother in D.C. and told him that I was flying there BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY to see the show again in the following weeks. My brother and I didn’t have tickets but I HAD to go again. I posted on American Idol’s website that EVERYONE needs to see the AI show – especially to witness Jennifer Hudson who ruled the concert. I also posted on the AI site that I was the crazy fan that cut a fool whenever Jennifer hit the stage. I noted that I would do the same thing in D.C. – not ever hoping the A.I. posting would land me a meeting with Jennifer Hudson.

Cut a fool again in D.C. is what I did. My brother and I had horrible floor seats but we moved to a perfect empty seat location during the concert and yet again, Jennifer sang much of the songs directly to me during the show. I was floored. I was in love. I was feeling those spiritual chills to the tenth. SOLD! Jennifer Hudson is the greatest of the new school singers. She’s the truth! What was American Idol thinking? What was the music industry thinking? All this and more, I posted on American Idol’s website.
Condensing the story, I received an email from Jennifer’s cousin Jay J. (as it was explained by email), an email that noted - Jennifer read the American Idol website and loved my posts, that Jennifer thanks me for all the energy during the concert, and that when Jennifer gets off tour – Jennifer Hudson will call me. YEAH RIGHT!!! Getting the email – I was sure I was being “PUNK’D” by one of my friends from the American Idol parties.

One random day in winter 2004, Jennifer Hudson called me. WHAT!!??!!

From my MySpace Blog post about the movie Dreamgirls on November 16, 2006:
In the fall of 2004, I received a phone call from someone in Chicago. Still faded from a nap, I checked my messages and heard her voice. "I was just calling to say thank you for the support. I read your messages on the A.I. site and I wanted to let you know that I appreciate it," or something to that affect. I don't remember the exact words but I remember clearly jumping around the house because Jennifer Hudson called me. Anyone who knows me knows that I remain a kid at heart and when I'm excited, I act a fool. Also, anyone who knows me knows about my "Great Depression of 2004" – the days after Jennifer Hudson was voted off American Idol: Season 3.

Skip to January 2005 - after strong encouragement of my friends in Xtreme Entertainment, I was planning to meet Jennifer for the first time. Before it was the chic thing to do for black gay clubs, Xtreme booked Jennifer (did I mention my strong encouragement) for their MLK weekend here in Atlanta. Jennifer and I were talking by email about the songs she should sing. Naturally, I asked her to sing the song I was anxiously hoping she would sing had she not been strategically voted off of A.I. "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" in my mind is the perfect song for the perfect voice. "If anyone can sing this song, THE SONG and finally do it justice again, Jennifer Hudson can." Although we talked a few more times by email, Jennifer never told me that she was planning to do just that, sing "And I'm Telling You…" during the Xtreme Entertainment MLK show, honoring my request and sending me into a frenzy. (January 16, 2005 – the day we met) I got to hear her sing THE SONG a few times as I was at sound check (the first time we met) and later at the actually show (MLK Weekend 2005). NOTE: January 2005 – there was NO mention of a Dreamgirls movie to the general public, AND CERTAINLY AT THIS TIME there wasn’t even a thought for Jennifer Hudson to be Effie. UH – HELLO!!! Have you caught up? *wink* LAST – I will say too, Jennifer mentioned NOT having performed that song EVER live and specifically wanted to sing the song for me as a surprise since I requested it by email. HELLO AGAIN!!! Have you caught up? *wink*

Since our first meeting January 2005, Jennifer has been more than kind to call and text me along the way, allowing me to connect even if briefly about her transition to superstar Jennifer Hudson. Every time I have been around her, she’s been generous with her spirit and talent, never missing a beat with being warm, sexy and charming – surely one of the best celebrity experiences (and I’ve met too many to count). Jennifer Hudson is as kind as you imagine her to be and hasn’t changed a bit since her fame has sky-rocketed.

Two memories of Jennifer that I will never forget:

First one is the day that Jennifer Hudson got the call that she would be Effie in the movie Dreamgirls. In true kind Jennifer Hudson spirit, Jennifer called me to allow me to share in the excitement. As surely one of her biggest fans, the one who asked her to sing “And I’m Telling You…” for Xtreme Entertainment MLK show, she wanted me to share in her dream of becoming a Dreamgirl. Dereck Wallace from WINC – then Xtreme Entertainment was with me the day I got that call. We were so happy for her because we knew - finally, the world would catch up. Jennifer Hudson will be a superstar. She was already one in my world. I was so convinced that Dreamgirls would do it for her.

Second unforgettable experience occurred in March 2007, a week after the Oscar win, Jennifer allowed me to come with her to the Dallas Austin Foundation Event in Atlanta. This night, apart from the event being great and Jennifer performing, Jennifer asked me if I would rather stay at the event or go back to the hotel with a group of friends and chill. UH HELLO!! DUH! Let me think about this one! Come on. Yes, I went back to the hotel pinching myself the entire time. We talked about everything and nothing and she played me some new tracks and even allowed me to spend a minute on her computer/iTunes where she had loaded tons more of Jennifer Hudson songs that the world still doesn’t know.

“What Hearts Do,” “Pillows,” “Cry In a Minute” and even a rehearsal taping of “Never Loved a Man” and a few more songs were sent to me by email from Jennifer. I will never forget this night. Who gets to chill and talk with their favorite singer (recent Oscar winner) but me? As promised, I have never shared these rare recordings but if you’re ever around me and one of my iPods, I rock this music regularly. And although Jennifer and I don’t talk as much, surely every time Jennifer sees me, she’s just as kind as the first time I met her. Jennifer Hudson has love for the fan that cut a fool during the American Idol 2004 concert, the fan that finds a way to every ATL stage she performs on, the man’s name she often speaks from the stage, the kid-like grown man who had to fight with 10-15 other grown men about AI and why AI, the music industry and the world would eventually catch up to the undeniable talent of Jennifer Hudson. I’m still the crazy fan who believed in Jennifer Hudson before the world knew better to believe. Before the Oscar, the Grammy and so much more still to come, Jennifer had a fan (now loosely used “friend”) in me.

Homophobic Bow Wow RELOADED!

2009-04-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

It’s been a crazy week of being faced with homophobia on multiple fronts. That’s the reason for this post and that’s the main reason why I decided to repost the Bow Wow video titled “Bow Wow on Misquoted BET Blog.”

Earlier today, I slowed down to have a conversation with an inebriated homeless man in Piedmont Park (Michael) after sharing with him some food given to him by my co-worker. After he accepted the food, he asked for money explaining he’s been living in Piedmont Park for 20 years. As I often do, I gave him a few dollars and carried conversation with Michael in hopes that he’d feel someone really cared about him – at least today. After a ten minute conversation with him about a supposed murder of a female in Piedmont Park, a murder he helped to uncover, he explained to me how the murder “must have occurred this way I’ll tell you,” he explained coming in close to me. “You know what it is. I’ll tell you what it is. It’s the gays. They walk this park 24/7. They must have done it.”

You’re not serious. So even Michael, the homeless man is homophobic. WOW! But it doesn’t take you to be drunk for you to still be intoxicated with homophobia.

Last Thursday, on Morehouse campus, I found myself caught off guard by an explicit line of thought that floored me. It’s not often that I am speechless but for ten minutes, I couldn’t find my words. I’ve been doing HIV/STI testing on campuses for over ten years. A favorite part of my job is being especially on Morehouse campus where I feel and see the impact I have on young black men often. My being speechless was mostly about concern for the relationship the organization I work for has with Morehouse, less about myself and my own feelings. I’ve been dealing with homophobia for most of my life so this is not news nor new for my spirit to handle.

“Yes, the administration is going to have a meeting about it because it is getting ridiculous. It’s causing a drop in our enrollment. And now, they are so vocal with it and out with it. There are gangs of them, some of them showing up in heels and nails painted. It’s ridiculous. And now I think they migrate here. It’s gangs of gays calling other gays to come to Morehouse as if it’s a safe haven for them.” IF I’M LYING – I’M FLYING! This is what the Morehouse coordinator of the panel I was invited to speak on said to me and three others as we discussed how to handle future events with an HIV awareness focus.

Enough is enough! This is the last straw in the long list of moments this week alone that explicitly communicated to me that this conversation I thought we were well beyond, is still in need of dialogue so that we arrive at a better destination. Homophobia has to be exposed. We need a revolution addressing homophobia like the sweep of Obama’s campaign across America. That’s what I’m calling for, a REVOLUTION against homophobia.

That’s why the video must be reposted. It is what Bow Wow said. It’s not hearsay or rumor or the “telephone game” at play here. No publicist or press agent can put a spin on Bow Wow’s words. This is what Bow Wow said out of his own mouth. Bow Wow was aware that he was being recorded and felt comfortable to say what he said to his fans, and it was posted to YouTube viewers for the world to see.

In my humble opinion, I truly believe one measure of a man is that he stands by his word. A man’s word is his bond. I too believe that a man, once he knows better he does better. I’m hoping that this is an opportunity for Bow Wow and so many others to do better, especially so many in hip-hop, especially so many in the black and larger community. Hating on gay people will no longer be tolerated by anyone in 2009. Not knowing how to respond to homophobia in 2009 will not be tolerated. Let’s continue this dialogue with a sadly mistaken Bow Wow in the mix. But truly, the conversation ends with you, each individual.

If you are not a part of the solution of homophobia, you are part of the problem. The time is now for homophobia to end! Now, what are you going to do?

CONTEST: The New www.anthonyantoine.com

2009-04-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Win my Jennifer Hudson/Robin Thicke Gift Bag from the historic concert complete with a JHUD/Robin Thicke T-shirt, hat & more Anthony Antoine free CDs & goodies. Contest runs the entire month of May. Contest winner will be announced on Monday, June 1st by email.

There are three ways to enter to win:

1) Send me an email through the “Contact Page” on website noting your favorite Anthony Antoine song – and why? - (gets you 2 entries into contest)

2) Answer five Anthony Antoine questions correctly in an email sent through “Contact Page” on the website - (gets you 5 entries into contest)

3) Write a review of any Anthony Antoine’s music on iTunes. After review is posted on iTunes, shoot me an email through the “Contact Page” on my new website noting the review – (gets you 10 entries into contest)

Anyone completing all three entry ways will be entered in the contest with 10 ADDITIONAL BONUS CHANCES to win.

It’s that simple.

If you have any questions, shoot me an email through the “Contact Page” on my website.

FIVE Anthony Antoine Questions (HINT: All answers can be found on website or other Anthony Antoine sites - FB, MySpace, YouTube, etc.)

1. What is the name of Anthony Antoine’s first full length CD release complete with 18 songs/2 interludes?

2. Anthony’s most treasure celebrity photo is with what artist?

3. Anthony’s “Obama Hope Symbol” tattoo was featured on what news network?

4. How many videos are in the “Video Vault” on the new http://www.anthonyantoine.com/?

5. What’s your favorite Anthony Antoine song and why?

The Spiritual Genius of Tonex

2009-03-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

I am moved and encouraged. I am touched and inspired. I am too many things to explain but if you’ve ever felt the spirit of the Lord and know without doubt that it’s that spirit to sustain and keep you, you know a little of what I am feeling this morning. Actually, this post is so long overdue but as they say, right on time. If you need to be uplifted, if your spirit needs some healing, go pick up the new CD from Tonex titled “Unspoken.” I’ve only had it for two weeks but no other CD has jumped to my Top Ten All Time Favorite CD List so quickly than “Unspoken.”

In my personal journey, I’ve often asked, “If I can’t take what I’m truly going through to church and leave it at the altar, then where can I go?” Tonex’s music understands this and reminds you that church and gospel music should intersect with the truth of ones journey, not just the saved & sanctified Sunday morning front that’s all forgotten by Sunday evening. Isn’t that the ministry of gospel music? That an anointed singer can communicate a crafted song of His Word married with explicit lessons helping us to walk a closer walk with Him. Why listen to gospel music if it doesn’t teach, uplift, & truly bring you closer to God. That’s ministry. And that’s Tonex’s music to me.

Imagine removing hypocrisy from organized religion and putting that impossibility to song – that’s the music given to us by Tonex. There’s a multi-leveled Word for you about true trials we experience after Sunday morning and Tonex is unmatched in bringing you that Word. I am so thankful for Tonex’s gift this morning. God is all up in it and I thank him as an artist and I thank God, the ultimate artist of them all.

Last, I’ll just say it will take you a minute to catch up to the genius of Tonex. This man has released over 24 CDs in just 14 years. I read a newspaper review that said this CD “Unspoken” is his first CD in over five years. I was initially confused because I had purchased six or seven recent projects over the last few years on iTunes alone. Wikipedia www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonex notes that Tonex has at least 15 projects in the last five years. So clearly what the review failed to mention is that this is his first CD on a “major” label in five years and I still don’t know if that’s even true. He’s been continuously releasing music through various websites and on his own label Nureau Ink. A label and an artist achieving this alone, that's major. I went to Tonex’s website to purchase a few releases you can’t buy on iTunes (they arrived this weekend) and purchased the remaining CDs I didn’t already have from iTunes and spent most of my weekend catching up. Naturally, if you love music like I do, then you understand when an artist moves you, you have to have everything they have put out. I’m probably 95% there - over 270 songs rockin' my iPod of what's at least available to purchase. I’m sure Tonex has hundreds more in his personal vault and as soon as I can get my hands on it, I will add to my now definitive collection of Tonex's music.

What has me so lifted this morning is that I created a playlist on my iPod and titled it The Genius of Tonex. Last night, I put 16 of Tonex’s best songs (my opinion) in an order that moves me most and listened to it this morning for the first time as a collection of songs. I felt like this was cheating because there's so much music to choose from - again over 270 songs. My favorite place to hear music is in the car (gym next). Folks must have thought I was crazy “goin’ in” and “losin’ it” to The Genius of Tonex. WOW! Hearing all my favorite Tonex tracks back to back has me flying. I’m wired! This playlist “The Genius of Tonex” was a fast track for me to reconnect to God’s glory and grace. I’m so thankful that I know Tonex’s music because it reminds me how thankful I am that I know and love the Lord. Now ain’t that gospel music at it’s best?

You already know what to do! When you go to download that PHYRE new project by Anthony Antoine titled "Who's Rockin' Ur iPod" off iTunes and other download sites, pick up Tonex's "Unspoken." You will surely be blessed by doing so.

Vogue's First Acceptance Letter to College

2009-03-14T03:22:00.001-07:00

I really wanted to write something deep and introspective about another milestone in my daughter Vogue's life (my life too). But honestly, I think the title, video and pictures speak for themselves. You can file this one under "Proud Dad" folder on your desktop! Last, I will say, what I would give to have moments like this captured on video from my teen years. I tell Vogue all the time that she's gonna be thankful that her corny dad always pulls out a camera for these moments. LOL! Enjoy!

My New CD & Music Video: The Dream Continues 03-01-09

2009-03-01T05:19:00.000-08:00

my 9th CD release - official release date March 17th (available on iTunes & more)

my friend Deede picked up her copy immediately - truly one of my biggest fans

Excerpt from “The Original Dream” – written 08-24-08

Right before I left Atlanta, I had an old favorite captured moment of my life converted to DVD and posted on YouTube. It was my very first music video “Swing” by The Deff Boyz featuring Tony Mac (one of the pseudonyms I recorded under living in London). I originally had the tape converted to American format VHS tape back in 2000 but much has changed even since then. YouTube has taken America and the rest of the world by storm and if it’s not preserved on YouTube, then did it ever happen?

So my goal of the past few weeks was to load some of my treasured moments to YouTube. I started with my very first music video “Swing.” More than the idea as an artist of being in a music video for one of my songs, my very first video was on regular rotation on MTV Europe. At age 17, that was a part of my wildest dream. I couldn’t have been more close to the dream than (age 21) sitting at home chillin’ and there it was, without direct prompting on my part, my video was being played. One of those times, I had enough sense to capture the moment by dropping a tape in my VCR and recording my own video being played all over the country on MTV.
“My Dreams Continue”

Speaking of a lot has changed, MTV wouldn’t even be the premier dream to have my new music video played and noticed. The ultimate air time for my new music video that promotes my new single “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod?” would be 106 & Park or LOGO’s The Click List. Well, okay, naturally Chelsey Lately (my new television obsession), Tyra Banks and of course, Oprah. (Did you see Steve Harvey thank God on Friday when Oprah had a bright idea to have him back on the show because they simply didn’t have enough time to promote his new book). Like Steve Harvey, I pray for that day when Oprah blesses anything I have produced. Yes, I too dream big.

But it’s not just a dream for me. My dreams have walking shoes and can grow wings. What I know today is that it’s simply one foot in front of the other, each moment, every effort is a step closer to the destination. And that it’s not just one destination but many destinations along the way that I must honor, milestones that keep me going and makes me - ME. I am fully present in the journey of it all. I pray this for you and your dreams. It was my first single “Swing” and the video being played on MTV. It was the birth of my daughter Vogue. It was falling in love and someone choosing me at the same time I chose them. It was meeting Sheila E. It was changing someone’s life forever by passionate work and a calling. It was completing my first novel. And now, it’s the birth of my 9th CD project “Who’s Rockin’ Ur iPod? EP” and my new music video supporting the single. Can you believe it? I can’t believe it. Nine CDs! What artist can say this?

My friend Khalid told me to download a song yesterday – Donald Lawrence’s “Happy Being Me.” That’s me these days, just happy being me. “No one else I’d rather be.” God I’m so thankful for my exact life. God, I’m so thankful that my dreams continue.

In the Air of Change: Historic Inauguration Trip to Washington

2009-01-25T04:49:00.000-08:00

I’m so blessed, having had the opportunity to travel out of the country five times in two years, so who knew that a trip to Washington D.C. could not only compete but excel in the impact traveling away from home could have on my spirit. I went to grade and high school in Alexandria and Dale City, Virginia (suburbs of D.C.), so I’ve seen so much of what Washington has to offer. I’ve done the trip to Washington countless times. In all honesty, I wasn’t very excited about traveling to D.C. or inauguration festivities (original plans smashed) but more excited about spending time with my brother who lives in southeast D.C.
But slap me now! I’m awake if I wasn’t before I left Atlanta. What was I thinking, even considering to miss this opportunity to witness history in our Nation’s capital? A last minute Delta direct flight into Reagan-National Airport for $219 (rate offered for one day, thanks for the tip Shauni), confirmed reservations at the best hotel in town: my brother’s basement which racked up a HUGE bill I paid with a love offering of $0, and a close friend/travel partner with an already booked rental car he was willing to share, I more than many out-of-towners had my travel plans laid out for me. Life delivered with Divine strategy, all ways for me to be right here and front row at this historic time in America.
Washington D.C. is beating to a new drum and my spirit helped to write lyrics to Washington D.C. and Americas’ new song. I have been moved to my core with too many inspirational moments I’ll treasure forever. The numerous Washington monuments all have new meaning, not just because I’m older with a more experienced and wiser view of the World but because the dreams and goals of our country’s founding fathers and fallen activist Blacks were unfolding right before my eyes. The American experience has come full circle. I toured the Capitol building (a tour I’ve done a few times as a kid) and walked the exact steps that Mr. President would walk on Inauguration Day. Touring the Capitol and being eye-witness to the city preparing to swear in our first Black President; son of a foreign student from Kenya (think about that) - Barack Obama sailed against the odds to secure the Presidency. In America, anything is possible. It was at times overwhelming to take it all in, that even a Black man as President of the United States is not only possible, but now reality. I remember being teased as a kid with an often-repeated joke probably told to many Black children, “you’ll never be President, that’s why it’s called The White House” – emphasis on white. I vividly remember this being said to me during a few times of child’s play, me pretending to be President of the United States (on the off days from pretending to be Wonder Woman, LOL) and even Black children laughed and joked at the thought. We all had been convinced that this day wasn’t ever possible and look at what America has done.
There’s too much to communicate about the experience that words cannot capture. Truly, much of my time here was emotional, remembering my childhood days here and remembering why I love this city. My brother and I (sometimes including seven of our friends) sat on his couch together and talked politics and more. Washington offers me connection to my family and childhood memories often smothered by Atlanta and other travel experiences. Washington D.C. was the perfect backdrop to these intense conversations. I danced in a D.C. nightclub with HOT local boys to my favorite music on the planet to dance to: GO-GO music, D.C.’s homegrown music. It moved me to tears right there on the dance floor. I got to hear one of my musical inspirations and favorite DJ Donnie Simpson’s radio morning show. I was twelve years old all over again remembering some of my original connections to wanting a career in music. Washington, D.C. has tons to offer to specifically me.
But this trip, Washington D.C. also offered me a three mile walk through 3rd Street tunnel with the echo of “We Shall Overcome” hitting the back of my cold but thankfully protected neck. I was breathing in the air of CHANGE and would not have chosen to be anywhere else in the World but connected to the energy that settled on The Mall of Washington for Tuesday’s Inauguration. The words “Martin Luther King is rejoicing in Heaven” graced my ears as the flags of The Washington Monument wrestled with the air. I turned to my left to see tens of American flags and to my right, a sea of proud Americans showing up and out for our then still President-elect. I almost lost it again. Yes WE can! Yes WE did! And for once in my life, I participated and really believe that my contribution made a difference. I donated many dollars to a campaign and I knew with every dollar I donated, it was making the difference. I voted in a Presidential election with a vote for hope and for the very first time that I can remember, HOPE won. That’s only a bit of what I was breathing in, here in D.C. Like so many others, this trip has changed my life.
God bless a last minute $219 Delta ticket. God bless Mr. President Barack Obama, his family and a new Administration ready to lead the country and its people in very difficult work ahead. God bless the human spirit with a willingness to forgive tremendous travesties of our country’s past and the ability for Americans to have hope against so many odds, enduring to see this full-circle moment unfold. Simply, God bless America. It’s a new, more grown America with a beautiful Nation’s capital, full of vibrancy and core history owned by all Americans; monuments here at home that stand and represent FREEDOM! I inhaled evidence of what my spirit often acknowledges, especially traveling abroad, but right here at home, I found the evidence again. We live in the greatest country in the entire World. Please hear me! We live in the greatest country in the entire World. Marinate on that!!!!
I used my Georgia I.D. traveling here, but I will use my American passport as I.D. to travel back home and hold it with the same energy and walk, a fierce walk comparable to Mr. President’s walk right before he was being sworn into office. One step is “Wow! Look at us now.” The next step is, “I own every bit of the difficult work that I have to do to secure our better future.” That’s combination for a fierce, FIERCE walk and work in 2009 and beyond. More than I have in a long time, I’m rejuvenated in my pride of this country we live. I’m energized and I too commit to my part in getting the job done. I’m so proud to be an American! Really, simply – GOD BLESS AMERICA!

I've Bathe in the Sun of President Elect Obama...Now Here's My Sun Burn

2008-11-07T03:18:00.001-08:00

Darian,

I'm all over this! At work, folks knew what was coming from me as I promised myself and them that I would bathe in the sun of our new President Elect Obama for at least one day. But then, we watched The View at work in our conference room and heated discussions began. I had to unleash my tied tongue to speak on how I truly felt.

Our boss, Dr. Melanie Thompson thankfully just returned from her wedding in California (3 weeks ago) to her partner of 19 years. I was so honored to share in this experience with her - even if from afar.

Then Wednesday night, I watched CNN and other stations reveal that 70% of Blacks not just in California but Florida and Arizona approved this ban on marriage on the backs of Black men and women that carried it. I'm upset all over again. Shame on us.

The bitter in the sweet that I revealed during our watching The View on Wednesday was that I don't feel good being aligned with those Blacks, especially the church, religious Blacks that voted Republican and helped to assure that Bush would get back in office to mess up the economy, mishandle The War and so much more. I hold them accountable too. That, for their homophobia, their ignorance, their stupid narrow vote on gay marriage issue, we had 4 more years of W.

I'm with you on this and I bring my passion and many, MANY others who will be on our side. Let's work to fight this craziness. You are not alone on this issue. I will not give up. And while I understand how even we convince ourselves not to hope too much for a better America regarding homophobia, President Elect Obama is OURS too, to believe in. I've earned a right with my vote for President Elect Obama to believe in CHANGE for all aspects of my life. My dollars donated were from an American that deserves equal rights, from a Black man, from a gay man - my American Black Gay dollars that support CHANGE. So before we convince ourselves that it can't be done, let's grab this moment in OUR history that if the impossible can be achieved with the election of Mr. President Obama, IMPOSSIBLE is not an option regarding overcoming this challenge before us. The bitter in this sweet, HAS TO BE REMOVED!!!!!

Who Has a Better Repertoire of Songs?

2008-10-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

Janet KILLED it last night! Maybe this is spoken by a true fan of Janet but I loved virtually every minute of Janet Jackson’s “Rock Witchu” Tour. Who has a better set of songs than Ms. Jackson?

This is the tour I’ve been waiting for, complete with three earlier hits for true fans (those closer to her age or older fans) that were there to buy the 45s of “Young Love” and “Don’t Stand Another Chance.” My loving Janet Jackson didn’t begin with the Control album as it did for many. Previous tours I often left wondering why she left off the earlier jams for those of us there from the beginning. Surely, that was my favorite part of last night’s show; the earlier jams that took me back to high school days of Janet posters on my wall from Black Beat Magazine and scratched records that I played ‘til the needle broke. Y’all young kidz don’t know nothing about that!

Janet worked hit after hit, every song a layer of memories – truly one of the best soundtracks to my life. When I moved to London, Janet was in my ear singing “now I’m all grown up, I’m in Control.” When I fell back in love with someone, Janet gave me “Again.” As I learned my freaky side, Janet learned hers too and gave me “Any Time, Any Place.” She covered all the hits reminding me of moments in my life that her songs were right there with me.

Bump what the haters have said, and skip that I know her ticket sales haven’t been premiere like previous tours, Janet still has it! For the young girls releasing music after studying at Janet’s School of Entertainment, take more notes because Janet is still teaching class.

Now to be fair, there are just a few observations I must admit to. This is Black girl Janet from Control days, thick hips and all which I heard some of the kidz criticize. I was happy with it. Janet is 42 and dropping 30 pounds to tour isn’t necessary for me to enjoy the show. I love watching Black girl Janet gyrate, especially during “Discipline” where she has her hot dancers strap a man in a straight jacket and performs all over him. I would have simply died. And I will say I’m ready for her to grow up. I’m hoping this is the last tour for her that she can be dismissed as attempting to keep up with 20 year old artist (her students) as some has written. I’m ready for an “Intimate Evening with Janet Jackson” a la red dress section of “Rock Witchu” Tour, not in an arena but a small venue where she talks about the days of dancing for two hour shows and how now she likes to slow it down, play with the hits, reinventing them for a more mature set. Jody Watley can school Janet on this. I still want the hits, but I would love a show where artistry prevails over holding onto pop star status. Janet has been there and done that, taught the class and failed a few young artists who wish to deliver her level of entertainment.

Overall, Janet KILLED it last night. Bump what the haters have said, “Rock Witchu” Tour is all that and worth every bit of the ticket price.

An Early Vote for Change

2008-10-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I cast my vote for Barack Obama. I didn't ever believe I would live this moment in my lifetime, often times believing that a female, even a Black female would be President before a Black man and again believing that neither would be President in my lifetime. This may still be the case but it won’t be because I didn’t cast my vote. I probably would have noted this occurrence as surreal but this historic political process of campaigning has made what I did today, more real than ever. Barack Obama, with his brilliant campaign and plan for change, has truly earned my vote.

Why vote early? For me, it was two-fold. First, I honor that tomorrow is not promised. I wanted my vote cast today, a day I know I’m alive and healthy enough to make it to the polls. My car is working perfectly, no unplanned engine light or flat tire. And isn’t that just how crucial each vote will be in this election? Although I don’t foresee not being alive and healthy on November 4th, I also did not foresee a year ago being privileged to cast my vote for Barack Obama. But that’s how swift change can come. Not even funny, but if my car breaks down or worst, if I’m dead on November 4th, today I voted for Barack Obama.

Second and more the case, I wanted my 17 year old daughter to once again travel to the polls with her parents to vote (her first conversation about voting occurred at age 5 on the way to vote for President Clinton), starting her early in the process of understanding the value of making it to the polls and casting a vote. This is my daughter’s, at least 4th time to a polling location and she won’t be eligible to vote until the next election. By her going with me today, my daughter will have a chance to surely go with her mom to vote on or before November 4. My daughter making it to the polls with us twice is how a 17 year old can vote. Her mom will vote for Barack, but today, her daddy VOTED (past tense) for Barack Obama.

I remember standing in the lines of the last election, feeling discouraged at the tricks the Republican Party pulled to steal the election, before and after voting. After the election, let’s just say Florida. But even before Election Day, it was the promotion of gay marriage concerns that had many, even registered Democrats placing a vote to put George Bush back in office. For them and others that voted based on this one divisive issue, I ask - for that one issue (which has been ironically absent from this election – guess they couldn’t pull the same trick twice) – was it worth sacrificing our economy, the price of gas, so much more to continue Bush’s even then failing economic policies and tunnel vision view of the Iraq War? Was it really worth it?

Another reason I voted today was because I don’t need another debate, another joke of an answer or sentence to nowhere from Palin or McCain, another on-point Saturday Night Live spoof to help me decide my vote. Today, I voted for Barack Obama. Not just because he is Black, but too because he is a Black man and the best person up for the challenge of leading our Nation, restoring the promise of America.

What a historic moment in our history! I’m so proud to be an American.

Beautiful Mistakes: Written 08-27-08

2008-08-28T18:14:00.001-07:00

Written 08-27-08

Yesterday, I made a mistake. Not just a little “Ah Boo-Boo, get over it!” kind of a mistake. This is a huge, life-lasting mistake. Like my last two trips, although I didn’t do it, I wanted to get a tattoo here in Brazil. I’m sure you’re already in the car, arriving at the destination of where this is going. Having just two days remaining, the only two goals of sealing another perfect vacation was getting a tattoo and spending my last day of the perfect vacation in Rio.

Deciding the design of the tattoo wasn’t hard at all. I’ve been thinking about this since my last tattoo about 2 years ago. I have 3 tats, all have turned out perfect. Although I never settled on a design for my next tattoo, I knew it had to be unique, I knew it had to be in a city I’ve never gotten a tattoo (all my tattoo have meaning and will be from a different geographical location), and if I got my tat here in Brazil, it also had to communicate something of Brazil and my trip.

I did my research. I went online. I asked the locals. I did the work to find the best place and person to help me commemorate my trip. Unfortunately, after finding the shop that came highly recommended in a part of town nowhere near my hotel, having the taxi wait – the artist that I finally decided to use was in Germany for vacation, his shop totally closed. But I wanted my tattoo. So after more searching, I got my tattoo in a shop I had been to a few times before a few days ago. It was a shop near my hotel in the historic Pelourinho city within a city, a place full of rich Afro-Brazilian culture, art, music, fine dining.

I loved the design I decided upon. I love the meaning of my new tattoo. I loved the location of the shop in one of those colorful colonial buildings off a cobblestoned street. I learned to at least like the artist, although he spoke no English and all my questions and concerns had to be translated by the beautiful Brazilian local woman who spoke English very well. Decision made. “I’m getting my tattoo” and then I sat in my excitement. My special friend Michael spoke all his fears about safety, language barrier, and lack of research on artist and more. My response to him was, “I’ve made my decision. If it turns out less than how I want it to, it has turned out how it was supposed to. I’m prepared to live with my decision.” And with that, I got my new tattoo.

So today’s lesson, my first thought of this beautiful morning as I washed my excellent design of a tattoo executed by a poor artist is the thought I had right before I got my tattoo. “If this doesn’t turn out the way you planned, it is okay,” I said to myself. Even with something as serious as a tattoo. It’s similar to the thought I had at 17 moving to London (I hear my girlfriend Shauni saying not that story again, LOL), or when I jumped off the mountain in Rio, or when I touched the shark in Natal’s Aquarium over the weekend or when Dana and I decided to have Vogue. I’ve always been wired this way. If I move on my fear, or concerns, or doubts, or what everyone else is telling me to do or not do, I get nowhere. I end up harboring resentment at myself and others for what could have been. But when I take it all in, make an informed decision or more my style and the catalyst for the best, most exciting and unique experiences in my life, when I step out on faith, the blessings unfold.

Who at 17 moved to London for six years but me and was ready to live my life passionately chasing my dream? If I moved on my fear then, I wouldn’t have this superior experience to look back on. If I moved on fear at 20 years old when off the cuff, Dana and I decided to have our daughter (our journal entry documents March 16th, 1990), my beautiful daughter Vogue may not have ever made it to the planet. At that time, everyone told us that we were too young and that we shouldn’t do it. I can’t count the amount of blessings my daughter has brought and continues to bring to me. Thankfully, I didn’t move on their fear but stepped out on faith for a life-lasting decision that has turned out to produce endless rewards.

I remember thinking, and no shade to my wonderful life and those I dearly love and treasure, I know I had a moment or two during making the decision that “if I die jumping this mountain, then this is how I was supposed to die, while getting my life in Rio.” Honestly speaking, I couldn’t have done the jump if I didn’t truly have this thought. Over the weekend in Natal, I thought as I reached in to touch the shark, “if I lose my hand doing this crazy thing, it will be the most requested video on YouTube and I will be okay.”

So yesterday, I made a mistake. And this morning, I’m so pleased with my mistake. It reminds me of why I am who I am, the exact person I am, grabbing life by the balls and what I call “getting my life.” I made a mistake and it reminds me that I have the power to make mistakes or more important, make decisions that have huge pay-offs too. How many times have we all let a mistake steal our joy, some for years or a lifetime? Not me. That’s the beauty of having the ability to make decisions. So yes, yesterday, I made a mistake. But this morning, I’m brushed off about it and spending my last day of my trip, getting my life in Rio. And now, my trip is completo.

At the tattoo shop with the look of "its not going as it should," but I couldn't stop it. The train was already moving and now I've got my tattoo from Brazil.

First Lady of My Life: 08-26-08

2008-08-28T18:13:00.002-07:00

First Lady of My Life: 08-26-08

Last night, after I went to the Bale Folclorico de Bahia (my second time witnessing the most amazing dance show I’ve ever seen), I stayed in the hotel to watch the opening of the Democratic National Convention 2008 on CNN. As much as I follow American politics these days, how could I be out of the country when these important times are unfolding? Thankfully, I could get CNN which is the channel I would have watched at home but I wouldn’t have the luxury of flipping through six other channels to see the commentary on local news, Fox News and other stations. What I especially missed tonight was being able to text some of my good girlfriends back at home (50 cents a text out of the country) to bounce my thoughts off of as would they - and if our thoughts just got too good (or wordy) to text, we’d call each other, get in our comments and tune right back in. Oh yeah, naturally the hotel doesn’t have TIVO (we are so spoiled but how did I ever watch TV without it) to go back and catch any moment I missed by "texting" too long or someone foolish enough to talk during that exact moment you needed not to miss.

Last night, there are two people I would have surely called – my friend Eulisa and my mom. Both of these women were on my mind as I watched a Black Woman, the hopeful First Lady Michelle Obama address the DNC 2008.

My friend and co-worker Eulisa is one of those take-no-mess kind of Black Woman and has exuded sacrifice and set high standards for her kids. She has three now-grown children, all of them off in college, all of them on full or partial scholarships. I am often amazed by this as I feel the anxiety of getting my one and only child off to college in less than a year. Here it is, Eulisa has three and if she ever missed a beat in raising her kids, you just wouldn’t know it. All I know is that I’ve seen each of her children start college, first child about to finish college and I can guess on what salary (we work in non-profit for the same company) so we are not rolling in the doe. In my mind, Eulisa hasn’t missed a beat. When Michelle Obama talked about a mom pouring everything into her as a child, I thought of Eulisa and so many women like her doing the same thing for their kids.

I too couldn’t help but to think about the Black Woman that poured everything into me. My mom is enormously amazing to me. I still don’t know how my mom did it, having me at 18 and my brother to follow at 19, living in ‘hood Newark, on what income – I can’t even imagine but we made it. Surely it was with the help of the village, but at the heart sustaining, sacrificing, enduring and ensuring was my mom, one of the strongest Black Women I know. Family values were taught to us, not as one or two lessons, but as a way of life. Her living her life, doing her best to provide for her kids was the example.

We took a family bus ride out of the country, to Canada when I was seven. It was that trip that opened the world for me and the foundation for my first plane ride, moving to London at age 17. My mom is still amazed that her son would find courage to do that, but why? My mom poured into me so much security and love that I always knew I had a home to come back to. And without missing a beat, and on next to no income in my mind, here we were as a family going out of the country. I know there are people in Newark who have never left the state of New Jersey, some haven’t seen outside of Newark. But my mom ensured otherwise for me. Of course, I would travel and see the world. My mom set that example that it can be done.

It’s a sacrifice to give $100 to my daughter today, so I know what sacrifice it was for my mom to give my brother and me each sparkling new bikes, leather wallets both with crisp $100 bills on what’s probably my most special and favorite Christmas 1981. That was my mom. The list is endless. At age seven, my mom moved us out of Newark, I believe one of the most single impactful decisions that shapes who I am today. And when the culture shifted in Alexandria, Virginia in how Black Men were becoming, mom moved us, purchasing her first home in Dale City, Virginia. My brother and I always had the best she could possibly provide, many times opportunities she never had growing up herself. But that was just my mom. By no means am I saying that my mom was perfect but surely, what I know whole hearted is that my mom was and still is perfect for me.

But isn’t that the strong Black women we see every day, making a way out of no way, finding opportunity in it all. That’s Eulisa in my eyes. And that’s my mom. Against all odds and landing sturdy through improbable journeys, there are Black Women. When Michelle mentioned her husband Barack talking about “the world as it is" and "the world as it should be", noting all too often we accept the distance between the two – not my mom. Not so many Black Women I know. I know I continue to live with hope because I saw the supernatural when I was young, my mom taking much of nothing and turning it into a whole lot of something for the sake of her kids. She did this right before my eyes. At my core I’m hopeful for the world and my world as it should be because I witnessed my mom’s magic growing up.

So this morning, I simply wanted to honor my mom, her name is Mommy to me still to this day. I honor Eulisa White. I honor all my regular sista girlfriends that do the damn thing daily, you know, holding together the Black family and making sure the hair is right, seemingly effortless in the same swoop. We all know the sistas, the ones who don’t let an absent father count them absent as mothers in their child’s lives. The sista that raises her kids to have values, to care about the world they live in, to care about their fellow man. The Black Women raising Black Men, keeping them healthy and safe, ensuring their survival, teaching them how to represent being a Black Man. I speak my girlfriend Kem’s name and too many regular, everyday others we must always remember to honor. The sistas who have hope like Michelle Obama, not resting on the fears they see unfolding in their neighborhoods, but the hope of what the world or just their round-the-way neighborhood can be. I see her every day, driving to work or her walking to the bus stop, catching the bus to college, working hard for her dream whether it’s to run a daycare or to run a corporation, start a non-profit for under-privileged kids or live in the White House helping to shift the trajectory of America. I look at Michelle Obama and see my mom, I see Eulisa, I see Kem, I see so many Black Women I know and don’t know, but too have huge respect for. That’s another Black Woman making it do what it do. That's what I thought last night watching Michelle Obama address the DNC.

So as some of the commentary has already mentioned the feat (and I do understand one aspect of this amazement) of a Black Woman, the First Lady hopeful addressing the DNC tonight, I too am moved, just ever so different than what some already said last night (Michelle’s speech) meant for history and our country. I too have forgotten to honor that I was raised in a climate that a Black woman could eventually be First Lady and even President, that Hilary’s 18 million cracks was superseded by 18 billion cracks in that glass ceiling placed there by Black women, many I know and love. I must remember, this is not such a strange thought for my world after all. Why would it be? I’m surrounded by Black Women who are truly superior, over-achieving, against all odds, surviving, dedicated, compassionate, enduring, strong – you know everyday Black Women. I know these women, live with these women, work with these women every day. This is not abnormal to me as it may be to media or White America. It’s just the way it is and the way it is supposed to be. That’s a normal view in my world. How could it not be? I myself was raised by Wonder Woman, powerful beyond belief, ever standing on faith even when the world had none for her having me at age 18. Sure a Black Woman can be First Lady, even President of the United States because my mom – First Lady of my world is absolutely nothing short of a living, breathing Black Queen.

Thank you to all the Black Women in my life. I honor you.

I Can Do This: Written 08-24-08

2008-08-28T18:13:00.001-07:00

I Can Do This: Written 08-24-08

Thank you E. Lynn for another entertaining read. Your books have been a backdrop to significant parts of my life since you began your career as an author. I remember reading Invisible Life as if my own then invisible life depended on it. Your words and books entertain me. Your story inspires me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to the tenth power to E. Lynn Harris.

Riding the sand dunes of Natal. It feels like a roller-coaster but you are in a car with a skilled driver intentionally making you feel like he will flip the buggy. The video doesn't give you proper height/distance perspective but trust me, this was an adventure.

The Original Dream: 08-24-08

2008-08-28T18:12:00.001-07:00

The Original Dream

Right before I left Atlanta, I had an old favorite captured moment of my life converted to DVD and posted on YouTube. It was my very first music video “Swing” by The Deff Boyz featuring Tony Mac (one of the pseudonyms I recorded under living in London). I originally had the tape converted to American format VHS tape back in 2000 but much has changed even since then. YouTube has taken America and the rest of the world by storm and if it’s not preserved on YouTube, then did it even happen?

So my goal of the past few weeks was to load some of my treasured moments to YouTube. I started with my very first music video “Swing.” More than the idea as an artist of being in a music video for one of my songs, my very first video was on regular rotation on MTV Europe. At age 17, that was a part of my wildest dream. I couldn’t have been more close to the dream than (age 21) sitting at home chillin’ and there it was, without direct prompting on my part, my video was being played. One of those times, I had enough sense to capture the moment by dropping a tape in my VCR and recording my own video being played all over the country.

Arriving here in Natal, the hotel had internet access for cheap so I decided to stay connected over the weekend. Really, internet can be a distraction from vacationing and especially a distraction from my goal of writing this week in Brazil. But I’m sooooooo happy I logged on. I posted my video “Swing” on YouTube the day I left Atlanta and already, it’s gotten so many hits. I didn’t really promote it but to a few of my friends. Its unbelievable how many people in my life didn’t realize how close I got to my original dream, one friend sending me an email back – “Wow Anthony! That was HOT! You were touching your dream.” The original dream was to be an international recording artist with hit records. “Swing” was an international dance club hit. My second release “What’s Goin’ Down” hit in Europe and my third release with London based jazz guitarist Ronny Jordan (like “Swing) made it over here to the States. There’s a tape that exist of me taping the Ronny Jordan track I’m featured on - “Under Your Spell” when it once aired on BET. It’s all very cool thinking back on it.

I write today about this because it’s been exciting to discover other posting of “Swing” even before I posted the video in which people are giving the Paul Hardcastle produced song and me props for a moment in the early 90s when my song was their favorite song, some noting it a hip-house classic. HUH? Who knew? It’s such a great feeling to revisit times gone by, my history I created for myself. I’m too reminded that I had a dream at 17, dedicated my life to that dream, and although it didn’t unfold exactly as planned, it unfolded in ways some never have the opportunity to experience. Do you know how many recording artists would sell their first born to see their video aired on MTV/BET or any television? I’ve performed on national television quite a few times. I toured with C&C Music Factory. I’ve heard a variety of my songs played on various radio in Europe and here at home. There’s too many stories to tell about my family taking me around the neighborhood to have their friends meet me because my song was on regular rotation in their hometowns (Philly, DC, Dallas). My brother even taped my song off the radio (Dallas, TX) as a song he like, not knowing it was his brother until weeks later after I finally sent a copy of it to him. How crazy is that? But that was me then living my dream.

I remember all of this to remind myself, that if I once got that close to the biggest dream I knew to dream, I can surely do it again. For the longest time, few people believed in my dream, many blatantly telling me that I was crazy for chasing the goal of stardom in music. But I sit this morning knowing that I can do it again. I’m older, wiser, sexier in my mind ONLY to the tune that I am so much more connected to who I am as a person – which can only help me in achieving my next BIG dream. I too write as a testimony, because surely, I pray that I’m not alone in having goals of dreams too big to see with the reality of your life today. But that’s the beauty of it all. I’ve not arrived at my next big dream YET, but I whole-heartedly state and fully affirm my ability to achieve any dream I desire, any dream that God has for my life (insert my mom speaking in tongues here), let the choir sing, and all the kidz say Halleluiah! I’m blinded by the Universe’s future plans for my life. What I’m so connected to this morning is the beauty of life, the truth I know for me and for others is, that potential power to achieve anything is within us all.

My very first video "Swing" by The Deff Boyz featuring little ole - ME!

The Good Life: Written 08-23-08

2008-08-28T18:11:00.001-07:00

The Good Life: Written 08-23-08

I’ve stayed in some fab hotels in my times. Moving quickly to #2 on my Fab Hotel List is the Pestana Natal Beach Resort in Natal, Rio Grande do Norte – Brazil (#1 on my list is the Condado Plaza Hotel in San Juan I stayed in over Christmas break). Our flight was delayed over an hour and we arrived at the airport two hours in advance due to traffic being lighter than believed so I wasn’t happy waiting at airport for four hours on my vacation. Thanks to having the ability to fall asleep anywhere and the fiercest iPod on the planet, time flew by and a little before midnight Friday evening, we landed in Natal.

Natal (Portuguese for “Christmas”) is the capital city of Rio Grande do Norte, a northeastern state in Brazil. My child-like excitement for any place I’ve never been was placed in a box while exiting a section of the airport. Immediately exiting baggage claim to the central meeting location for travelers and their families, the stares began. I could see that this wasn’t a place as welcoming to Black travelers. It wasn’t the these-are-the-Americanos-we-are-excited-by stares that were often apparent in Salvador. It was more like, “what are you doing here?” stares that momentarily had me feeling much like a foreign tourist. With 80% of the population in metro-Salvador being of Black African origin, Salvador is the center of Afro-Brazilian culture in Brazil. Leaving Salvador was like leaving home. So I already know that Natal may be an every once in a while vacation spot but surely not where I ever rest my hat in a closet.

We arrived at the hotel close to 1am and God bless Brazil and all things holy, this hotel makes your heart beat fast and miss beats simultaneously. The color scheme is vibrant orange and red with funky art of many bright designs and colors to remind you the pleasures of being alive. I’m so thankful for color this morning. I’m so thankful for the sounds of the ocean today, still playing melody in my ear as I type, similar melody that danced in my ear while I slept peaceful through the remainder of my night after settling in.

During breakfast came much of the same stares – certainly not from the extremely attentive staff who seemed please that a Black man was in their presence, but more from vacationing families who seemed interrupted by a Black man’s presence in their paradise hideaway. There’s a continuous tape of “whatever gurl” deflecting the stares. I’m a Black man, traveling the world, stepping in the footsteps and into the life that’s ordained for me. Not one stare can distract me from that truth. “Whatever gurl!!!”

I have to know who sings this song. I got the wit to get my camera out and tape the end of a beautiful, passionate song by some female artist. The staff at the hotel couldn't tell me either. Do you know???

When In Bahia: Written 08-22-08

2008-08-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

When in Bahia, Do Like the Bahians

Last night, I tried octopus for the first time. It was delicious. Absolutamente delicioso! No, it doesn’t taste like chicken. Isn’t that what everyone says about all foreign food, especially to get someone to try it? It was a new taste to me, one that I could become comfortable with very easily. Honestly, savoring octopus tasted like the good life.

Now it could be that I was at this restaurant called Amado that overlooks what’s known to be the mythical Bahia de Todos Santos or “Bay of All Saints.” It’s a very contemporary Brazilian restaurant on Avenida Contorno, located in a centuries-old cargo warehouse that was transformed to invoke tranquility and a magical atmosphere. Amado did not disappoint.

Sitting almost dock-like, in my view while dining was a cruise ship shaped building that contained the most breath-taking condo I’ve ever seen. “What does the owner do for a living?” I asked myself a few times. “Maybe she’s an author of novels. Or maybe he is a clothing designer. Do they appreciate what’s probably their vacation home, or second living quarters,” as was explained to me by one of the waiters? We were in the Buckhead-plus of Salvador, Bahia. In a flash, I could see myself taking a break from writing my second or third novel, walking onto my patio, and still totally appreciating the view of my now favorite restaurant Amado across the bay, remembering and never forgetting to appreciate eating octopus for the very first time.

What a fun morning to watch beautiful Brazilian children exercise, all of us up at 6:30am, but they far more energetic than I at that time of the morning. They were a joy to watch.

A Life Pre-Destined

2008-08-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

A Life Pre-Destined: Written 08-21-08

My first thought when I woke this morning was that I am living the exact life that I am supposed to be living, that there’s some magic at work that makes me – ME, living this exact life. It’s often my first thought of my day, before the hustle of the day takes me elsewhere, before the other people living within my head convinces me otherwise. By the end of the day, I’m restless at all I haven’t achieved, I’ve beaten up on myself about countless failures, I’ve stripped myself of the magic that I woke with this morning, that my life is good, and exactly what and how it needs to be to get to where I need to go before I die.

My second thought this morning is what I will write about today with a little discretion but I must get it out. I’ve challenged myself to wake up each morning of my trip to write a blog a day about whatever I feel. Last night, going to bed, I noted that I would too shoot a video that communicates my appreciation for the blessing of Brazil and being able to use my passport one more time. But my second thought today was not about Brazil or vacationing, but about pre-destiny. It was a conversation that I often wrestled with as a kid.

Do you believe that our lives are pre-destined? Or do you believe we hold the power to make our lives exactly what we want it to be? I’m still wrestling with the answer today. As a young kid, with the impression of God and religion and a kid-like connection to spirituality, I totally believed in pre-destiny. But with that came a laziness to act because why act, if the road has already been fully planned out for you. As a kid, I rested on life to take me where it was already planned I would go. What I now believe is some marriage of the two in which the acting and doing the work is me learning who I am all over again. It’s some new-age thinking with a mix of Anthony-ism that explains what I felt in my spirit all along, and is how I think and live today.

So I digress from my second thought of the day. My second thought this morning was realizing that HIV has been a part of my life since I was eight years old. For the first time in my life, I realized that my original connections to HIV that I often talk about (Rock Hudson on Donahue, the fashion designer Willi Smith dying weeks before I was to meet him, being tested for HIV ten times in London then Texas, knowing then losing Russel and Terrence when I first moved to Atlanta) were all preceded by a close friend of mine when I was eight years old eventually dying from complications of HIV – probably when I was fifteen or so. At the time, in the 1980’s, I was told that he died of cancer, probably from all we didn’t know about HIV in 1984. Knowing what I know now about HIV, it had to be that way. Even close friends and family was told that he had cancer but I now know that he died from HIV.

I’m writing this crazy novel now tentatively titled “Never Just Sex” and I woke feeling like no one but I should write this book, that I have to write this book as part of my pre-destined life to say what this book will say, to tell the story that will have the impact/s that it will have on myself and the world. “Never Just Sex” will place me in the heart of such important dialogue, conversations that are nature for me to facilitate, discourse that continues to teach and feed my spirit and informs my work as an HIV counselor. I feel so connected to my destiny this morning. And it didn’t start with Rock Hudson on Donahue. And it’s not just because I’ve been an HIV counselor for close to ten years now. Imagine that irony. I went to school for music and at 17, you couldn’t tell me anything else I was going to do with my life but music. It’s all connected and the links to this dream began when I was about 8 years old. My childhood friend was taken from me because of HIV when I was 15. This pisses me off. That the world was not ready for the truth of his death and inevitably the lessons within his passing, this pisses me off too. Imagine the number of lives that may have been spared if his truth could have been told to me, my friends, his family, the world. I don’t remember exactly how old he was, but he was young and taken way too early. This is why I must write my novel. This, and all things to follow in the link, up to today, is why I’ve committed my Brazil Trip 3 to writing.

Brazil Trip 3: Written 08-20-08

2008-08-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

Brazil Trip 3: A Writing, Spiritual & Revitalizing Journey

Pinch me – I’m in Brazil for my third trip. And trust me, this journey will be equally spiritual but also, my third trip to the country I am so in love with will also be work related. I have a dream that I must proclaim here now and everyday forward beyond my arrival at my dream. I will be a published author traveling, seeing, and learning the world while promoting my NY Times and world acclaimed novels. It’s been a dream, a goal of mine secretly and quietly for years now with spurts of dedication and little sustainable commitment to it. But all of that foolishness is about to change.

What does this have to do with Brazil? I’m traveling to Brazil this trip with 16 friends. We have known each other since 2002 but all of us have done a horrible job with keeping in touch. I have serious love for all 16 and truly feel blessed to know them. We all decided to take this trip to Brazil together, spend time with one another, and learn each other all over again. There’s one very special man in the 16 that I can’t wait for all of you to meet. His name is Garret Harlem Lawrence.

This is the deal. Garret is HIV positive and independently wealthy; some would say filthy-nasty rich. He would probably be more upset that I’ve told you he is independently wealthy than he would about his HIV status. Unfortunately, Garret has been told that he has months to live (medications are simply not working) and in true Garret spirit, he’s not going without a fight, some big-bang exit for his crazy and unbelievable life. For the last five years, Garret documented in his personal sex journals, all of the people he has had sex with – most of them anonymous or casual encounters, none of them he ever disclosed his HIV status to. With much help from his twin brother Ziggy, his closest friends Woody and Deja, and a national television network, Garret invited close to 500 people he had sexed to this lavish party to disclose his HIV status. I know, crazy right?

At this party, Garret disclosed his HIV status to his sex partners by pre-recorded video and then offered to them all (but only ten could accept) one million dollars to participate in a reality based, HIV prevention television show to air on a national television network. Each of the ten found out their HIV status on camera and we are all waiting for the reality show to air. Garret and I both know that as crazy as his plan was, this reality show will inevitably educate millions of viewers.

This is who I am spending my time with in Brazil. It’s a mad crazy bunch but trust, all characters will make this trip well worth the journey. I’ve stated and will continue to verbally manifest up until and all through the physical living and breathing materialization of my dream, I will be a published author traveling, seeing and learning the world while promoting my novels. My dream is for my first published novel to generate so much income that I can live in Brazil for half the year working on my next novel. What better backdrop to write a novel than Salvador, Bahia and Rio de Jennneiro. And in best Anthony fashion, I’ve learned that if you truly have a dream, live the parts of your dream that you can create today and by doing so, you are ordering the Universe to have the rest fall in line. What I know I can create today is a trip to Brazil where I can spend time writing my first novel tentatively titled “Never Just Sex.” Welcome to my third trip to Brazil!

On the beach in Salvador, getting a very special foot massage from a local making his money for the day. It's a job that brings him joy - as he spoke very little English to tell me so. He kept singing Backstreet Boys and other American songs to me. What a welcome to Brazil!

Look Who's a Senior

2008-08-11T15:50:00.002-07:00

Truly the richest, most rewarding blessing of my life is being a father. And not just being a father, but being "Daddy" to my very special daughter Vogue. She's such a blessing to me and has been source for extreme joy, happiness and immeasurable learning in my world for her entire life. So you can imagine why today, her first day of 12th grade, I woke up extremely emotional and excited.

I remember thinking I had it all figured out at the start of my 12th grade year. I felt like I could conquer the world and nothing could stop me. And a true law of nature, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. At times I wish I could tell her, or show her, or bottle up for her the distance between what I had all figured out, and the truths I learned along the way. But mostly, I hesitate to shade with any dark colors her learning and experiencing her exact life that will lead her to her own personal growth and truths. As a father, there's such a balancing act I play with this.

What I often remind her of is that these are unique days that she should not take for granted. These are days where I can say to my daughter and mean it more than ever that "you can absolutely become whatever you want in your life. The sky is the limit. Endless are the possibilities." Not just in my family, but in our world, the examples of greatness achieved particularly by Black women sets the stage of what's to come for my daughter. Her future is so bright. I'm so thankful and appreciative for all that's too blinding to see today.

Thank you Vogue for choosing me to be your father in this life. I'm still so very much in love with you. You're a fine young lady that I am very proud of. And there's not a more rich and rewarding blessing in this life than being your Daddy.

My Acting Debut in Dirty Laundry

2008-08-11T15:50:00.001-07:00

Originally written Tuesday, May 23, 2006

My Acting Debut in the Upcoming New Film "Dirty Laundry" Current

mood: accomplished

So, I'm online talking with my friend James Earl Hardy (author of the B-Boy Blues series) and he gives me kudos for my one-line movie debut in "Dirty Laundry" starring Rockmond Dunbar, Jennifer Lewis, Loretta Devine and more - due out in December 2006. James had an opportunity to see a private pre-release screening of it in New York with a small select group.

I didn't mention to anyone that I was chosen by writer/director and friend Maurice Jamal for a one-line part while spending time on the set a few weeks ago in fear that my one line would be cut out the final edit of the film. And I guess at this point, it still could be cut but now that at least a few peeps have seen it, I'll at least mention it.

I spent hours and hours channeling my motivation for "Pie Eater #2", a character I named Julius (the first name to come to mind due to a friend named Julius being in the crowd). While winking at my co-star Jennifer Lewis and remaining focused (Rockmond and I are method actors, you see) during my scene with Rockmond, I put my thespian teachings to practice and uttered the word "Julius" while sitting in front of four apple pies and there, right there in my glorious, deliciously edible moment - a movie star was born. *wink*

August 11th, 2008

Over the weekend, the movie "Dirty Laundry" aired on a cable network. Again, my phone started blowing up with text messages and phone calls that my one line movie debut was seen by so many people. It's amazing that of all the things I've done in the music and other industries, more people stop me and give me feedback for my appearance in Dirty Laundry. It's crazy!!! I'm ready to move to Hollywood and pursue a career in acting now.

As I tell everyone, although appearing in the movie and seeing it on the Big Screen was amazing, it paled compared to the entire cast being invited over to E. Lynn Harris' home (lucky me included) and eating dinner and spending hours with E. Lynn, Loretta Devine, Jennifer Lewis, Rockmond Dunbar, Terri J. Vaughn, Maurice Jamal & more. I was speechless the entire evening but played it cool like this was my life on a regular. UH - NO!!! Pinch me but Loretta Devine is telling me backstage stories of the original Dreamgirls stage play as I eat my vegetables. This is crazy and only in my world does this land in my lap.

There are too many stories to tell from massaging Jennifer Lewis' feet to E. Lynn remembering our earlier meetings and on and on and on. What an evening! It was great to catch up a bit with Maurice Jamal as well. I flashed back to being on set of the movie, watching Maurice Jamal at work directing the film, remembering the days of living in Oakland and seeing him do poetry over ten years ago in some small Oakland spot. Both of us had huge dreams - knowing now that he has seriously hustled to this point of seeing his dreams unfold. That's so beautiful to watch for a fellow artist. It's an untouchable feeling when an artist has opportunity to live their dreams, when their art and work receives fever and recognition.

My Truest Desire

2008-08-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Call me greedy
Or know that I have desires with a multi-layered floor plan
Rooms and rooms of options
Closets of craving
A loft of longing
A complexity of twists and turns that make me ME

That mechanic JaQuan changing my oil
With his pants sag down exposing the crack of his ass
Full of sweat that I’d taste in the middle of Jiffy Lube
Naomi with that fierce walk and body out this world
LL Cool J is hard as Hell
Ciara as well
Tocarra
Justin Slayer could slay me
I just can’t decide
And in my dreams I don’t decide
Why decide

What I miss most about Her is licking it
I had the best teacher
She would hold my head
And hold my concentration
And hold out my pleasure for the sake of Hers first
Not allowed to get mine
Until she got Hers
I was made to get close to it
To talk to it
Intense with it
Talk to it in a way that only a free brother can do
In a knowing way
That I know exactly what she wants me to know
That I do it better than her straight man can do
That I’m licking his drum that he beats
And I eat
With sensitivity
And intensity
And longevity
And insanity
That’s what I was taught to do
How I was made to do
I treat Her and it like I love to treat Her and it
In ways I’m rarely treated

I deliver this pleasure I’ve too known to her
I know what to say
Cause I know how it feels when he is licking me
When he is up close
And talking to my drum
That’s been beatin’
Different than he plays for Her
But too, that he has arenas for us both
Makes my rhythm for him, tonight more melodic and sweet
Like he bangs rhythm on her
In her
Like he pounds rhythm on me
In me
Like I’ve played rhythm and rhymes on them both
For them both
In them both
Why would I choose
Why would I opt out of it all
When it all
Is a part of it all to me

I miss sticking it too
And if it wasn’t for that one little quandary
That’s what I’d go do
Right now
And last night too
But for you
I relegate my desire
To a box you’re more comfortable with
And too, for you to know
I’m a warrior not afraid to be what you need me to be
An activist named queer, or homo
Just so you know
That it’s not that I’m too afraid to be gay
All the way

But more afraid to miss out on all the options that make me ME
Call me greedy
Or know that I have desires with a multi-layered floor plan
Rooms and rooms of options
Closets of craving
A loft of longing Cause what I miss most is licking Her

Your Cat's New Toy

2008-07-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

I know
You don’t want to chance
With an alter of our current state of
Relationship
For fear of messing up our Friendship
The difference between calling me boyfriend instead of friend
I get it

But I can’t help but to wonder
If your current reserve isn’t
Like waiting for Labor Day before making a commitment
In other words
Turning down potential ownership of the cow
Still showing up requesting milk for free

It is becoming clearer
From your cats new toy
Brought to me as I pee in your toilet
And you wait for me in your bed
“To watch TV”
Was the reason
You woke me
Requesting my friendship
An advantage of our relationship at 1:20 am

The word for this morning is “Empty”
Old reruns of Def Comedy Jam
Watching and laughing at
Us fucking again
And your black cat in the corner
Crossing our now less than passionate path
With an empty Fleet bottle

Unspoken Sympony: Rules 1, 3, 44 & 138

2008-07-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

I don’t want to know his name
Don’t want him calling for mine
He
She
Or it
Just to be clear
And cover all possibilities
Shouldn’t even have our phone number

Don’t have this person chillin’ amongst us
At the movies nor the mall
At Sunday Brunch nor Sunday service
Church is not the ultimate cover
Ultimate covers are the most obvious spaces

Not at your job
Or mine
Not at our gym
Unless you both are so clever
That I never
Know

And definitely not my best friend
Or yours
And most definitely not an enemy
Again
Ultimate covers are so obvious
And choosing any of the ultimate covers
Is not loving me
That is who and where I will look first

And don’t get fucked
You can fuck
But don’t get fucked

Lastly
Doesn’t matter who or what you do
As long as you don’t get caught

Getting caught is the ultimate disrespect
These are all things I should never have to say

New D'angelo Music

2008-07-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

All week, I've been playing "The Best So Far..." - the new CD by D'angelo. It's a greatest hits collection (how do you have a greatest hits collection with two CDs) with a few unreleased tracks including my favorite, "She's Always In My Hair." If you remember, that's an old Prince B-sides jam (one of my favorite Prince songs ever) and D'angelo rips this track. It's a perfect cover - not just musical arrangement but a perfect vocal performance that reminds me how much I miss D'angelo's music. His first CD was so fresh and refreshing. I remember how easy-breezy his first CD "Brown Sugar" made me feel. I miss his music like an old school crush from grade school. That's what his first CD was like to me. I always reflect back to it with roses and berry memories.

The "H" Word

2008-07-19T03:43:00.000-07:00

Fox News, first to report that Jesse Jackson had a problem with the name of rapper Nas’ upcoming CD then reported to be titled “Nigger,” was also first to leak a conversation the Reverend had while taping a segment on the channel in which Jesse very comfortably uses the word “nigger” when referring to Black people. But wait, didn’t we bury that word, having a media and literal funeral for the word about a year ago.

The word we should bury is today’s word of the day - HYPOCRICY! In this media frenzy of conversation about the use of the “N” word, the “H” word has caused far more damage and confusion by having the ability to fly under the radar, deflecting focus back to the inflammatory conversation about our use of the “N” word. When an arguably hailed leader of the black community parades a crusade on television against use of a word that he clearly so freely uses, hasn’t he just proven Nas’ point. (I hear Riley from Boondocks shouting out - NIGGAS!) So it’s not okay to name my CD “Nigger” but it’s okay to be in your hater’s home and expect a pass with an apology of weak excuses including you didn’t realize it was a “hot” mic. Oh, I get it!!! It’s okay to use the supposedly dead “N" word if you believe your mic is off. HYPOCRICY!! Jesse – that’s such HYPOCRICY and has caused far more damage than if Nas’ CD had been allowed to be called “Nigger.”

As an artist, I am a firm believer that NO ONE has the right to tell me or any other artist what to record in the studio and release on CD. If you don’t like the music or the message, don’t buy it. And don’t hate on Nas’ for understanding the intersection of art and commerce, brilliantly demonstrated with his new CD that I bought and loaded on my iTunes as “Nigger,” the CDs most appropriate title.

If there’s ever an argument for why we CAN’T bury the word “nigger” – listen to Nas’ new CD. It breaks down the argument like it’s not been broke to date on any CD and clearly if you didn’t get it before, after Jesse’s blunder – one must realize the relevancy of a CD titled and discussing our use of “the N word.” Honestly, the word that leaders like Jesse, white people, all people, media, corporations and other (insert N word here) should be burying instead of “nigger” is the word and actions of HYPOCRICY which historically and currently has absolutely no value at all.

They say we N.I.G.G.E.R. we are much more
Still we choose to ignore the obvious
Man this history don’t acknowledge us
We were scholars long before colleges
The say we N.I.G.G.E.R. we are much more
But still we choose to ignore the obvious
We are the slave and the master
What you lookin’ for, you the question and the answer

- Lyrics from Nas’ “Nigger”

So f**k that,
No apologies on the issue
If it offends you, it’s meant to
It’s that simple
Trying to erase me from y’all memory
Too late, I’m engrained in history
I’m here my niggas
Speak my name and breathe life in me
Make sure y’all never forget me
Cause y’all give me life
Cause y’all use my name so reckless
Whether to be accepted or disrespected
And I love it
Especially when you do it in public
And I’m the subject
Cause y’all my niggas

- Lyrics from Nas’ “Y’all My Niggas”

IF...

2006-11-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

Thanks BuddahDesmond's Rapture and ProfessorGQ for these questions borrowed from their blog posts. Here goes:

If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
Have wild sex with Justin Slayer!

If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today, what would you say?
Absent fathers, absent parents, parents trying too hard to be friends instead of parents, and teenagers (especially boys) trying to hard to be HARD are the most difficult things about being a teenager today.

If you had to name the most embarrassing moment of your life, when was it?
Well, in the middle of Lester Square, London 1991 - realizing that I had to immediately go to the bathroom, I made a run for it. Nothing worked in my favor including arriving at a coin operated turnstile with no coins so I jumped over. It was that extra stretch of effort that told my body to release, and release I did. Let's just say that was one embarrassing cab ride home.

If you had to name the most overrated actor in Hollywood, who would it be?
Jim Carey - with the exception of a great movie that he co-starred in - "Doing Time on Maple Drive," - his movies are sleeping pills.

If you had to name the one personality trait that you have tried the hardest to change in yourself, what would you say?
Finding it hard to say "NO," especially to friends.

If you could go back for one minute to the Garden of Eden and give Adam advice, what would you say?
You are about to be the first stupid man in a long list of stupid men to think with the head between your legs for the power of the "P." Don't do it!!!!

If you were to name the best "I told you so" you ever got to deliver, what was it?
I never say I told you so.

If you were Madonna, what would you do for your next publicity stunt?
She no longer needs publicity stunts. She's Madonna.

If you could have a lifetime 50% discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in?
Such an easy question, The Apple Store! A store that never has sales. Half off iPods and my next computer! EASY QUESTION!

If you could have one more pet, what kind would you get, and what would you name it?
My dog Tomboy is my heart and as long as Tomboy exist, there will be no other pet - unless its a man. Oh yeah, and he would be a houseboy named Justin Slayer. LOL.

If you could have God perform one miracle today, what would you want it to be?
Everyone in the world gets a miracle for themselves.

If you could spend next New Year's Eve doing anything, what would you do, and with whom.
At a party celebrating with my family and closest friends ONLY.

If you were to set your country's immigration policy, what would it be?
It would begin with a reminder that this country only "belongs" to us because we stole it from others. How in the hell do you discover a land that people are already living on? So who does this country really belong to? Next, I would pass the responsibility of setting the country's immigration policy to someone Native American and watch Republicans squirm.

If you were given the power to settle the issue of gays in the military, what policy would you set?
Naturally, a Do Tell, Do Tell policy with also a policy of treason for anyone participating in acts of homophobia, especially in the military.

If you could have one person you have lost touch with call you up tonight and invite you to dinner, who would you want it to be?
Drew from high school.

If you could change one thing about your love life, what would it be?
It would be socially acceptable with heterosexuals and homosexuals to have numerous lovers, and a space of acceptance for a model of more than two to a committed relationship.

If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?
Not one. I think every book should have been written and if you don't like someone's thought then create yourself more of the books you would like to see exist.

If you have to name the best music album ever recorded, which would you select?
Aretha Franklin's "Sparkle!"

If you could have one thing made out of pure gold, what would you choose?
I already do - my heart! Okay, I've gotten really soupy now. LOL

If God were to whisper one thing in your ear, what would you like Him to say?
Being gay has always been okay and I love you as you are.

Iraq War Set to be More Deadly to Americans than 9/11 Attacks

2006-11-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Written: Saturday, October 28, 2006

I'm confused! Outside my vote, it's not often that I weigh in on governmental politics (social politics – YES) but again, I'm confused so I have to say something. I'm just learning today that the War in Iraq has killed 2,810 Americans with October 2006 being one of the top months for deaths of American troops since the war began March 19th, 2003. Now I begin with the comparison to 9/11 attacks because the President and his administration in selling Americans this war, cleverly made a case for war by tying the mission of the war to avenging the deaths of 9/11 (the War on Terror and Operation Iraqi Freedom being used interchangeably) and made a case for the invasion of Iraq by the infamous "concern" for WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) in Iraq.

HELLO AMERICANS! NEWS BULLETIN! There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Lastly, Saddam Hussein had absolutely NOTHING to do with 9/11.

I'm angry that a reported 2,973 fatalities occurred on 9/11 and yes, there should be a true War on Terror – much of the terror is right here at home. But shouldn't Americans be just as angry that 2,810 Americans (almost as many fatalities as 9/11) have been killed to date in an illegal and faulty war that has no exit plan in site for our American troops. With no end in site, the Iraq War is sure to kill more Americans than 9/11 and this pisses me off. Isn't the truth of the Iraq War just as much terrorism on America as 9/11? Or is it okay for an attack on Americans, for this many Americans to die when it is sanctioned by the President and his administration. Again, I'm confused.

Does this make anyone else mad?

The Women of the White House and Yummy CNN Anchor T.J. Holmes

2006-11-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

Written: Monday, October 30th, 2006

Speaking on politics, CNN asked a question this morning that I had to respond to. I don't know if it was such a quick, coy response that came to mind that moved me to action or the possibility of new CNN anchor T.J. Holmes speaking my name that made me send a response. If you have not seen anchor T.J. on CNN weekends, tune in. This man is delicious.

The question: The Women of the White House – How do they impact your vote?
My response that was aired on CNN at 8:26 a.m. this morning and yes, "He" said my name: "If the women of the White House were divorced and in leadership, they would then impact my vote. I bet they would do a better job than their husbands."

My Audacity of Hope - Oprah Winfrey Testing for HIV on Camera

2006-11-07T12:40:00.000-08:00

To support Oprah being tested for HIV on camera - visit www.Oprah.com and ask her to respond favorably to my request...

I Know My Status: An HIV Testing Campaign – My Audacity of Hope

Dear Oprah:

My letter is simple; and contains one of the most important viewer requests of your career. Will you, similar to Senator Barack Obama and his wife, be tested for HIV on camera? The show and snapshot of you being tested for HIV would have far reaching impact and encouragement for Americans to be tested for HIV. Imagine, in honor of National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day 2007 (February 7, 2007) or even World AIDS Day 2006 (December 1, 2006) helping to launch a campaign that encourages Americans to "know their status" for HIV. You could also invite your celebrity friends to take the same snap shot. Envision a photo of Jada and Will Smith, John Travolta, Maya Angelou, T.D. Jakes, Bow Wow, Jennifer Aniston, Janet Jackson, Jermaine Dupri – all photographed being tested for HIV. A person's HIV results are personal and private, but the act of testing for sexually active people is just as important, if not more important than voting. This is my "Audacity of Hope" dream to impact the transmission of HIV in America.

I am an HIV/STD prevention counselor in Atlanta, Georgia and I know all too well the devastation of HIV here in America. On a weekly basis, I have to tell another young person that they are HIV positive or connect newly HIV diagnosed people to care. Close to one million Americans are living with HIV and nearly 250,000 of those living with HIV do not know their status. Too many Americans with HIV are diagnosed late in the course of their infection, when it becomes more difficult to fully benefit from life-prolonging treatments. With HIV testing being more accessible (State and local programs fund free testing sites within communities all over the country), and testing itself being less invasive than ever (a simple 20 minute mouth swab), these statistics are tragic. There's no reason that HIV testing isn't the action step of status for anyone at risk. For these reasons, and so many more, you being tested on camera can change these tragic statistics. The show I envision and the continuing promoted campaign would be powerful and can have a huge impact on the American pandemic of HIV.

Through the experience of HIV testing, the more people that experience risk-reduction counseling for HIV and other STD's reduces HIV transmissions. It's that simple! In other words, when Oprah encourages Americans to move, we move. I shopped (PRODUCT) RED this weekend because of your show and was met with sold out items and engaged in conversations with countless people who were shopping (PRODUCT) RED because Oprah encouraged them to. How powerful would it be to visit HIV clinics and testing sites overwhelmed with people who are testing and "knowing their status" because of your show. By you and other celebrities encouraging HIV testing as normal and routine, your show would help to reduce HIV transmissions in America. Again, this is my "Audacity of Hope" dream.

This vision of hope triggered by watching your show with Senator Barack Obama could become a movement. Why not use this show unfolding my "Audacity of Hope" to challenge your viewers to have their specific dream that can be featured for Oprah Winfrey shows for seasons to come. My audacity of hope and service to others for now seven years has been turning something as scary and life altering as testing for HIV into normal, routine behavior for anyone at risk. I've experienced this shift in thinking on a personal and local Atlanta area level. This new campaign I've envisioned can take my audacity of hope to a national level, defining a pivotal shift in HIV transmissions in America. Imagine what other viewers are having the audacity of hope to dream and achieve.

In closing, I borrow words from Barack's electrifying address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. For all the discord and struggle to be found in the affect of HIV/AIDS, I am guided by a dogged optimism in the future impact of you being tested on camera, on your show. Help me make this "Audacity of Hope" dream come true?

Passionately in the struggle!

Anthony Antoine

So Much For Choosing An Idol

2006-03-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

I've changed my mind. This year's American Idol is Chris Daughtry (pic top). He certainly was an honorable mention from last week, especially that he sang on of my favorite Bon Jovi songs "Wanted Dead or Alive" from one of my favorite albums of all time "Slippery When Wet." But then he pulls out "Hemerage" by Fuel and sings the hell out of it...all the while, looking sexy and so professional. This is now my top pick and yes, it changed before the fab comments that all the judges (even Simon) made about him when he finished performing. Now you know its rare that all the judges agree and they did on this year's American Idol Chris Daughtry.

Ace - what happened? Katherine - what happened? These two should be running this competition - but this week, they both let me down.

Next to mention is certainly the best male voice this competion has seen and that's the voice we have with Elliot Yammin (pictured second to top picture). Yes, I did say that he has the best voice - even over Chris' voice however, this is American Idol. We already know that the best voice doesn't win. (Why do I hear someone calling Jennifer Hudson's name? Stop it already!!!) Elliot has a brilliant, virtually perfect voice. He tackled Stevie Wonder last week and this week tackled "M0ody's Mood For Love" which they noted was a Stevie Wonder song, but I'm not familiar with Stevie's version. Sad to say again, this is not a talent only competion because if it were, Elliot Yammin would win this year HANDS DOWN!!!

American Idol - My Guilty Pleasure

2006-02-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

I'm going out on a limb for "American Idol" fans and choosing this year's American Idol. Ace Young (top) is my top pick, not because he's the best singer, but because he has the best package of singing, looks and stage charisma. America will eat this boy up.

Certainly, this is not a "talent only" competition because if it were, Season 3 would have seen the three divas battle it out and no shade Fantasia (did you just say Jennifer Hudson? I swore I just heard someone say her name), but Fantasia baby, you may not have won. Not hatin' because I think Fantasia certainly deserves the title for the type of show that American Idol is.

And let me get upset one more quick moment, and again evidence that its not a talent only competion because there are only 4 black girls and 1 black boy in the top 24. C'mon American Idol. You mean to tell me that in your search for the best in America, only 5 blacks made your top 24. Could it be that you are catering to the demographics of your audience? Could it be that if it were truly based on talent, your top 12 girls would have 8 black girls from the Baptist churches across America? Uh, maybe.

But with that said, American Idol is my guilty pleasure and has been for 4 of the 5 seasons. Season 1 - I was just warm on the show. And when I watched, I picked Kelly to win. Now she's a grammy winner for those of you who hate on the show.

This year, its an okay show with a few shining stars. Parris Bennett (Ann Nesby's grand-daughter and Fantasia - the sequel), Katharine McPhee (Mariah's little sister), and my personal favorite Taylor Hicks (Michael McDonald and Joe Cocker's love child) although not the Idol, he is just a treat to watch. And sexy Christopher Daughtry, he gets extra points for singing Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive." - all mentioned should make it to the top ten.

Now, knowing how the producers of the show interupt America's voting with perfectly placed upsets strategically unfolded for reality television (did I hear someone say Jennifer Hudson again), my top picks may all get booted this week.

"The Island" - The Movie's Burning Question

2006-02-19T06:42:00.000-08:00

The question of my weekend:

If you paid 5 million dollars for a labortory cloned/genetic mass/body parts of yourself that can be used in order to cure your own future ills, and then realized that the company selling you this cloned/genetic mass/body parts of yourself was actually producing a cloned genetic human (your twin) and keeping them alive until you needed the body part/s, once realizing this, would you still order your cloned replica killed in order to save yourself?

Hmmm! I think I actually did well trying to get the question out considering the dynamics of the heated discussion I've just had with some close friends who had shocking answers to the question.

Let's see if this can become clearer. What if your clone (a living, breathing person) shows up at your door, someone that looks like you, someone that is thinking and has feelings shows up with a lot of questions. They have questions because they have been living in a world where they didn't know that you existed, they live in a world where they believe that their world far in the desert is the only life on the planet. This has been told to them by the medical/pharmaceutical company that basically gave birth to them in a laboratory so that you may live longer by using their cloned body parts when needed.

Or - if the time comes that you need some transplant or you may be dying from some illness, you make a phone call. This phone call results in your clone believing that they've just won "the lottery" to be taken to this paradise island, when really - they are taken off to the land of death, used for their body parts in order to keep you alive.

Finding this out, would you still allow this to happen in order to keep yourself alive?

Them Mexicans

2006-02-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

I was at work today and for the second time in my experience here at my job, "them Mexicans" was used in a derogatory manner by two people that I know are conscious, concerned and connected enough to know better. For the record, "them Mexicans" is no different than "them black people" or "them gay people" - especially when followed with a derogatory statement or fueled by a source of anger/frustration about a particular situation.

I explain what I learned in Racism 101 (not that I needed this course - thanks Mom) because somehow, two people that I care about don't get this, didn't get it to understand that "them Mexicans" shouldn't be used at least not around me, and maybe not at all if you don't consider yourself superior or above other groups of people, races and/or nationalities. For me, it's offensive.

"Them Mexicans" was thrown around carelessly, freely as if "them Mexicans" are now the allowed elitism among us, as if Mexicans are now lower on the heirarchy of priveledge until they have their revolution, their equality movement in America. When it becomes politically incorrect to speak "them Mexicans" into public spaces like the "N Word," people like me who are offended by "them Mexicans" will be challenged on how best to address the offense.

If it were someone I didn't care about or someone that I had no idea how they felt about racism oppressive to blacks or homophobia oppressive to LGBT people, it would be an easy call on how to handle it. But these again are friends of mine who know better, one friend is black, one friend is gay and white. They at least know better when it comes to our own oppression. Can we not used that same understanding for "them Mexicans?"

And I'm troubled at not having the courage to say something as the conversation unfolded. Why should I have to even sit with any discomfort? ...contemplating how to address this with a friend. I'm not the one who said it so why should I have this burden?

"Them Mexicans" is offensive and leaps me to wonder, what else you may say, even if its only behind closed doors. How else might you see yourself superior or seperate yourself from other humans? And if its not your intent to offend, "them Mexicans" will be removed from your vocabulary as "Nigger" and "faggot" has been (at least in public) by so many others.

Willie Nelson Has Gone Brokeback

2006-02-17T05:52:00.000-08:00

America has gone Brokeback and now Willie Nelson is jumping on the wagon. I don't even know how I feel about this or maybe I should say that I don't know how to pull out the countless fleeting thoughts that I have about this. "Cowboys are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" is Willie Nelson's new song exclusively released on Valentine's Day as a part of his ITunes original release.

First, sad thought is that anyone would download this song over John Legend's ITunes original release on the same date, his Vingle (video single combined) titled "Hello It's Me / Ordinary People (Live Video)." This vingle is absolutely brilliant. I'm so happy that John Legend exist for the music industry but yet again, the same problem. I don't know John Legend personally but my best educated guess is that he's gay. And wouldn't it be great that IF he were gay, that John Legend could exist as a Grammy Award winning recording artist/super talent with the public knowing this? But this world doesn't exist...and I hesitate to say YET.

Now to Willie! Why? Why? Why? If it were so that one day this world I dream of would exist, then maybe. But was this the goal? Doubtfully! Certainly not with the cliche lyrics included in the song. "Inside every cowboy there's a lady who'd love to slip out." No Willie, my feelings for men is not my lady slipping out, its still the man in me attracted to men. But who cares how any gay men or gay cowboys feel about this ancient analogy of homosexuality.

And I would love to believe that the movie "Brokeback Mountain" existed in some part to help facilitate this new world of acceptance of LGBT people. But again, doubtfully! So is it okay that "by default," my desired end result may be achieved without conscious effort towards that end, that because there's more dialogue and America gets to see and hear and inevitably learn (especially by hightened dialogue) about the dynamics of gay (although more white) life, eventually more acceptance, respect and FREEDOM will occur. And does it matter that this "by default" end is reached while blatant inequalities are allowed, while many of us are being offended? This is why I'm so torn when we get glimpses of through-the-back-door media attention that touches, even though barely the issue/s.

As I understand it, Willie Nelson is "tolerant" of gay people, this even stated within articles I've read about the new song. As if tolerance equals equality on necessary levels, but this probably wasn't Willie's words but those of "tolerant" clueless article writers. And Willie's manager is gay. But does that mean that Willie is equipped with the necessary language to have this huge microphone in front of him to speak to the issues exposed because of the press from the new song? Why Willie Nelson? Why not John Legend (again, only if he is gay) or even better, someone openly gay and conscious to the burning needs of our community. When will "the machine" get behind an openly gay artist WITH DAMN GOOD MUSIC too and make the success happen so that someone who IS equipped to speak to the issues, have a chance to in such a huge way? So that we get "there" quicker and with purpose.

Honestly speaking, I think an "affirmative action" plan needs to unfold within especially the music business but life in general in order for us to get "there." So where is "there?"

"There" is a world where Luther Vandross is Luther Vandross even though he's gay. Yes people - this is not news. It just is!!! "There" is that we celebrate Tyler Perry's success in Hollywood as Tyler sits on Oprah and introduces his lover Shemar, or Bill or John or whatever "male" it might be. I'm convinced that these little strides towards the desired goal is not getting us "there" fast enough. Willie Nelson's song is still a comedic spin on a serious unaddressed issue of homophobia in America, homophobia that exist on so many damaging unfair levels.

Which is why there's all this press on Willie Nelson's "Cowboys are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other)" - a song that's basic at best. The song is certainly not of Willie's best or even today's county music's best. The song is cute to have a laugh at (white America will laugh) but has this done anything to address homophobia in America.

Any plans for Valentine's Day?

2006-02-14T08:25:00.000-08:00

One of my closest friends gave a very Anthony Antoine answer to the question being asked by many today. Following the pack, I asked him if he had any plans for Valentine's Day.

He responded, "yes, making love to myself."

What an answer! And what a sentiment needing to be bought to all of our attention.

Who better to plan something special with on Valentine's Day than yourself?

The Revolution Will Not Be Emailed!

2006-02-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

If I get another Corretta Scott King email - I will scream. It's as if people believe sending the email means they're conscious and connected to what she stood for. It's extremely troubling when some of the same people forwarding the emails are complacent when its time to take a stand for social justice, especially black gay social justice.

I ask, "What did you do to honor her legacy while she was alive?" "And what will you do now that there's a huge void in the movement?" "Did you vote in the last election?" "Have you visited The King Center or even better, facilitated a young person going?" "...spent time with a young person to ensure that they understand the movement?" "When was the last time you made a difference in someone's life? ...helped to facilitate a space of freedom in someone's life?" "What legacy will you leave when you die?"

As you send your next email participating in the talk of social justice and the legacy of Mrs. Coretta King, honor her with your actions of participation. Let's not have to have another one of our few activist leaders taken from us in order to be reminded that there's so much more work to do. And sending tons of emails with soupy but shallow words is not the work.

Is It Just Me?

2006-02-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is Bernice King crazy?

Who Grew Up and Became a True White Woman

2005-11-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

I'm all about an artist growing and changing. It's my little complaint about Janet Jackson; the one artist next to probably the Purple Badness himself - Prince, that I would kill to have thier repertoire of songs. Attending her concerts as Janet zooms through hit after hit of songs that I love, songs that make me dance and sing, songs that were soundtrack to so much of my life, I'm moved and inspired. I'm floored by it.

But then 20 years later, so much from "Damita Jo" could have been album tracks on Rythm Nation. My one complaint of the fabulous Janet Jackson is that I don't see much growth as an artist, as a songwriter over the years. She has stuck with the same "cookie-cutter" formula of hit making - almost dissing artistry for commercial success. How hot would it be if Janet Jackson did a neo-soul full CD along the lines of "Got Til It's Gone" from Velvet Rope? Or what about a CD of all ballads or covers? I would even be down for Janet's rock CD - a la "Black Cat" or "What About." For me, it wouldn't then be about commercial success but about where you take me spiritually, move me to think, showing and expressing other sides of Janet that we haven't seen. That's being an artist to me.

Personally, the same can not be said of Madonna. It's not even a comparasion of two great talents (I would kill first for Janet's repertoire of songs but then I would kill to have impacted social thought and culture the way Madonna has). With that said, what can always be said of Madonna is that she is never creating the same album. I love that. She tries different things, different formulas, different styles of music. I love that she's growing and changing and experimenting as an artist and songwriter. This is the essence of being an artist to me.

With that said, Madonna has truly grown up and become a white woman. For this, I am pissed off. As a fan since 14 or so, I naturally rushed out and bought "Confessions on a Dancefloor" because Queen Madonna is releasing another CD and I've got to be a part of it.

What the HELL is this? I am soooooo let down by this CD. Madonna made a CD for white gay kidz at the club on Friday and Saturday night, not the club that some of us black gay kidz go to. This is white gay club music where we are not welcomed. Not one soulful club production!!! NOT EVEN ONE!!! How do you do a dance album and not honor the origin of house and club which was created by black DJs promoted first in the black and hip clubs? Before there was techo, there was original house music. And before we had this Madonna, the one with the British accent, we had the Madonna that people thought was black on RnB radio, played in black and hip clubs. Where is she? And will we ever get her back?

My dear friend Maurice and I, the only person I know with just as many CDs as me and who I will run into during midnight runs to Tower Records for the latest new release; we were talking about Ms. Madonna's new project that I just had to have 9 hours or so before everyone else. We both listened in disappointment. And the only answer to this growth of Madonna as an artist that can explain why we have "Confessions on a Dancefloor" is that Madonna truly grew up and became a white woman, a true white woman. It's what my friends joke - a white woman from Buckhead (**ritzy part of Atlanta)!!!

These are not the confessions of any black person I know. These are not the confessions at any of the clubs I go to, any of the dancefloors I may visit. Where is "my" Madonna? Where is the Madonna that would have gone left with "Ray of Light" and went just as far right with productions by Timbaland or the Neptunes. I guess this is why we now have Gwen Steffani.

All I'm saying is that I feel so left out of "Confessions on a Dancefloor." Sure, grow as an artist, but don't consistently forget some of your fans, the original fans as you grow.

The Two Girls and a Queen Morning Show

2005-08-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Miss Sophia, in my opinion - the funniest person on the planet has just been added to Atlanta’s Big Station, V103’s Frank and Wanda Morning Show.

And this isn't the watered-down version of Miss Sophia, palatable to mainstream radio, a dressed up version appropriate for the masses. This is the same ole Miss Sophia that I've been knowing and loving for over 12 years, since our first meeting when we both lived in Dallas. Yes, the same Ms. Sophia that eerily seems to have been replicated by Mr. Tyler Perry’s Madea character. Hush my mouth!!

She came on the show in rare form renaming the Frank and Wanda Morning Show. "The show is now called Two Girls and a Queen Morning Show" Miss Sophia playing on the kidz quizzing of Frank’s sexuality. Miss Sophia roared through the morning show as did all the queens and butch queens stuck in their cars listening, hanging onto every word of history in the making. One of Us has truly come up on a come up.

Why is this so important? It's one of us with an opportunity to represent, to the masses, AS IS!! This is not to be played with and the evidence unfolded within minutes of Miss Sophia’s presence.

Ironically, earlier in the day's show *08/23/05, there was a discussion about gay men being able to attend the upcoming Million Man March revisit. Ms. Lisa Clark, guest traffic host on today’s show was understood to have said that gay men shouldn’t come because it’s the Million MAN March, emphasizing man as if gay men aren’t men. I was furious. And it got worst as Frank Ski began to enquire about what she meant. She further put her foot in her mouth, attempting to back down from her original blunder by stating that she has heard many gay men say that they don’t believe they’re men, as if this homophobic traffic girl has gay friends to speak to, as if to say her comment was inspired by Us, gay men in the community. NO LISA GIRL! You just f**ked up, stating a comment usually reserved for your homophobic personal spaces - and you said it ON V103 RADIO, for the masses to hear. STUPID! And Miss Sophia is about to come on. What were you thinking?

Unlike so many other times where such comments are made and I fax, call my friends at the station, call my friends to fax and call and more faxing with no return calls or validation that my point has even been heard, Miss Sophia came to the rescue. Miss Sophia let Ms. Homophobe Lisa have it, naturally in a very comedic way. "I heard what you said Ms. Lisa girl. Don't be talking about Us. I don't care what you supposedly heard. Don't be talking about Us girl," Miss Sophia got with Ms. Lisa. But even if it were just comedy, I finally felt that my point of view was also heard and mattered because Miss Sophia has a voice, spoke and represented me at The Big Station.

And it may have even gone further as Miss Sophia stated at her show the next night - and I quote “Yesterday Ms. Lisa was reporting the traffic, today, she’s sitting in traffic looking for a job,” which explained why I didn’t hear her when I listened earlier in the day. True or not, I feel my viewpoint has been heard and matters. YES! YES! YES!

With it all said, I’m so happy and proud that another door for Us has been opened. And I hope that this doesn’t unfold as so many doors opened for us in the past. Now that this door has been opened, let’s actually walk through it.

Looking for Kanye

2005-08-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

Kanye West says "gay" has become an antonym to hip-hop!!! And that it needs to be stopped. What?!!! That statement alone is like Whoa! This is revolutionary. That's why I'm looking for Kanye.

I wonder if Kanye even knows the depths of what this means. He has to know his position and influence in the industry but does he even realize the "hot seat" this places him on, what assumptions will be made about him because of his honesty. If he realized this before his comments, then WHOA!! This is what activism is all about. This is truly revolutionary.

I've been hot and warm on Kanye as an artist. I like him. I'm not goo-goo for him but I like his songs and have even seen him in concert. But I was never crazy about him....UNTIL NOW. Now, I love this man.

Here it is a successful rapper/producer who is really at the beginning of an already flourishing career, but surely more is to come and without apparent fear for loosing what's to come, states this truth. WOW! I've been asking the Universe for this for so long and have often wondered why more {{rappers especially}} haven't come out and spoken the same truth. This is someone who doesn't have to be on the hot-seat of all that will be assumed about him because of such ambitious and brutally honest statements, and he does it, says his truth, the truth about rap and the industry. I'm so impressed. He's the realest of the rappers for me right now.

And I've already seen the chat room discussions, heard the conversations that now questions Kanye's sexuality. STOP IT!! What does it matter? And why not save that for closeted rappers that help perpetuate the problem of homophobia in hip-hop along with the hip-hop homophobes and industry leaders that refuse to challenge this huge problem. Direct that attention to the closeted rappers that Wendy Williams has been so on-point about. {{And I know she's on point for countless reasons - doubtfully another blog because I'm not about the spirit of outing people, even to further our causes.}} Let's not make it harder for another brotha, for another rapper to speak this truth, to combine with Kanye's truth and eventually so many others that will get it that eventually, the problem can be disbanned. Let's not play yet again our own enemy by even engaging in this defeating discussion.

West says hip-hop was always about "speaking your mind and about breaking down barriers, but everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people." He adds that in slang, gay is "the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop. Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, 'Yo, stop it.'" Man, I'm buzzing!

This is so great to hear especially after I attended the Atlantis Music Conference here in Atlanta and got somewhat discouraged about the closeted industry that tells me I'm "not going to be accepted as a mainstream artist" because I want to speak my truth about my sexuality within my songs. This and other homophobic messages coming at me from not only straight industry professionals, but sadly US, gay-but-closeted-with-no-plans-to-come-out industry professionals that are afraid of supporting Anthony Antoine and others like me because that support may "out" them. There are US in the music business that have suggested that I go back in the closet in order to be more accepted. This suggested made as the huge pink elephant sits in the room that this nonsense is being spoken by one of us. Does this make any sense? This is coming from US.

Some of us don't even do what Kanye did for ourselves, place ourselves on the hot seat of allowing the stereotypes to be assumed of us in order to change perceptions, a facilitation of social change, showing by example what it truly means to be gay. Some of us don't even challenge homophobia. Why is this? I've said the reason so many times, that we are privledged {{especially black}} folks trying to hold on to our little piece of pie, the piece of pie we so happy to have and afraid to lose. And we don't do these revolutionary acts, say these revolutionary statements because of fear, especially the fear of loosing our tiny piece of pie. And our pie is even smaller than Kanye's but we hold so tight to it. BUT WE COULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE.

If only we would take a chance. If only we wasn't holding on to that little piece of pie. But not Kanye with his statements. Kanye took a huge risk, took a chance. Kanye spoke the truth regardless of the outcomes and he didn't just say it in some small way so that twelve of us would hear it, he said it on MTV. That's why Kanye is so on point for his comments.

So if you run into Kanye, tell him that I'm looking for him. I'm looking for him to say thank-you, thank-you for being about the true essence of hip-hop. Thank-you for saying what so many others in the industry won't say, not even US in the industry will take a chance to say and challenge. Also, tell him I'm looking for him because Kanye's just the type of industry professional that will understand why Anthony Antoine is a premiere jewel of independent artists that exist to combat the very problem he spoke about on MTV. Kanye's just the industry professional to realize what mainstream industry has slept on in Anthony Antoine - and all for the wrong reason.

Damn homophobia in not just hip-hop, not just the music industry, but in life.

Another Millionaire In My Phone

2005-08-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

Today, I added another millionaire's phone number to my phone's address book. Why is this important or worth blogging about? I really don't know yet. Honestly, I'm stepping out on a term I learned earlier today called "The Tipping Point," that point that transitions an apiring artist to the point of achieving and living the dream.

I learned this term from someone who works at So So Def Records and the context of why I'm writing was not only motivated by him, but also by my mom who is often entertained by the people that I meet and the places I've been. My words are also inspired by the seemlingly perfect alignment of the stars that has facilitated chance "meetings" of famous and successful singers, song writers, producers, record label executives and more- those who are living the life that I want to live for myself. As explained to me, this is a part of how you achieve the dream, by associating yourself with those who are already living it.

For example, six months ago, I missed a flight from Atlanta to D.C. not because I wasn't already at the airport way early (chillin' and reading a book waiting) but because I looked at my boarding pass incorrectly transposing numbers which caused me to be at the wrong gate. By the time I realized that I transposed the numbers (something that never happens to me), I rushed to the correct gate and missed the flight. I asked myself "why did this happen?" as I was being switched to the next flight out an hour later.

Within minutes of sitting down at my new gate, Jermaine Dupri sits down less than 20 feet away from me. Huh? Now Jermaine Dupri sitting down next to someone who doesn't love music as much as I do OR MORE IMPORTANT - someone who isn't hustling independent music in hopes to end up in a position like a Jermaine Dupri, this means absolutely nothing. But to me, this is another chance, another break that I had to work. As I'm typing this, I realized that this wasn't the first time that I've met Jermaine Dupri. The first time that I met Jermaine Dupri was April 29, 2004 at approximately 5:00pm driving down Ponce de Leon Ave. on my way to Xtreme Entertainment's first Woman of Soul concert. See, this is what I mean. How many of you are simply driving down the street and Jermain Dupri pulls up next to you with his window down, boppin' his head to music. These are the kinds of chance meetings that happen to me on the regular. Naturally, on both occassions, I got to pass some of my music and have a quick conversation. Yes, even on Ponce.

Same thing happened today. I did expect to meet a few music business folks being that I am attending the Atlantis Music Conference. Most people attending the conference are meeting the esteemed panelist from all aspects of the music business. But let's just say that not only did I meet this millionaire, I was cruised by this millionaire, not knowing who it was. The end result once I made the connection was to have a conversation about my new CD Closets on Fire and how he could help to make it a success. We've since exchanged numbers and now talk on the phone.

This was truly confirmation to what I heard earlier about "The Tipping Point" and how you'll know it's the tipping point for you when "without effort (notwithstanding preparation), the people you'll need to know will begin to show up and not just show up, but they will be people in your cell phone, people you have access to, people that will eventually be a circle that you'll run in and be very familiar in." Exact words, "if you want to be a millionaire, surround yourself with millionaires. If you want to be a successful recording artist, surround yourself with successful recording artist. And don't just be around them, these are the people that should be in your cell phone." These exact words (with elaboration) were just said to me earlier today.

When it was said, I went to my phone's address book and counted seven. Seven people that I know and have access to that are living the life that I want to live, successful in the fields that I aspire to be successful in, seven millionaires in my phone that are on the other side of the tipping point. What a blessing!

How many millionaires are in your phone? Which is truly a metaphor for how many people do you know, that you keep in touch with, that you spend time with and associate with that are living the life, the dreams that you have for yourself? If it's not many, then as explained to me, it's a piece of why you're not living your dream.

Pieces of My Dream

2005-08-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I heard my song "How To Tell If Your Man Is On The Down Low" on the radio. Atlanta's top rated radio show "The Frank and Wanda Morning Show" played the song for the first time during a trite discussion with J.L.King.

Once I realized what the show's topic was about *call from my boo Dereck,* I called V103's Assistant Program Director Tosha Love to remind her that she has my CD and at least could play it during the discussion. Then I called radio personality and friend Jean Ross who works at WAOK - V103's sister station that's housed in the same building to ask her to take a copy in to the morning show. Props to her because she's the first person on radio that I know of that played the song and another song "Shake Yo Body" from the CD. Then I called J.L. King on his cell phone (his alter ego "33" and I are friends - blog on this soon to come) during one of the commercial breaks and told him to make sure that the show played it. But at that point, I was at a loss as to what else I could do to make the play happen.

So then I decided to go down to the station and sit in their lobby in hopes to meeting with someone who could help me achieve a piece of my dream. I followed employees of the radio station into the bathroom and passed them a CD to take in to my favorite morning show. I badgered (not really but really - Janet Jack is sooo sweet and hardworking) the receptionist and noted to everyone at the station within my voice that I wasn't leaving until my song was played. After being in the lobby for about 45 minutes (naturally, no one would meet with me on the spot) and after passing about 8 copies of my CD "Closets on Fire," AND a whole lot of prayers (momma taught me to pray) my phone began to blow up.

First my friends and co-workers at ARCA called. Then my friend and dancer Coy called in which I could hear it blasting in the background. Then my best friend David called and I could still hear it in the background. Then about thirty more calls came in from friends to say congratulations and that they heard the song. How hot is this?

I jumped. I danced. I shouted. I thanked God. I celebrated with the rap group visiting the station early in hopes that Tosha would listen to their new CD and song, in hopes that V103 would do for the them the very thing that they were doing for me, PLAYING AN INDEPENDENT ARTIST'S SONG. For this group, I suddenly moved from a fellow independent artist to expert on how to get a song played on V103. This was a great feeling.

So with a lot of perserverance and nothing short of a blessing, I've achieved another piece of my dream. I hold on tight to soon, and hopefully very soon (a brotha got some bills to pay and a daughter to put through college) very soon, these little pieces are going to add up to a dream fulfilled.

Today, I Met a Real Cowboy

2005-07-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Heaven was at the Rodeo today! How beautiful is this man???? I'll be playing lottery tomorrow, #134. I'm feeling lucky.

My Top Ten List of Favorite Concert Performers

2005-07-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

Do you remember your first concert? Mine was one of those group concerts with about ten performers but I remember the female rap group Sequence (with Angie B, now Angie Stone) being on the line-up and that's who I was excited to see. "Gonna funk you right on up, gonna funk you right on up!" Remember that? Well that was my first concert? It was probably 1982.

Shortly after that, my mom surprised my brother and I with what was our second concert for our 14th and 15th birthdays. My brother's birthday is the day after mine (October 21st and 22nd - he's a year younger) and at our birthday party, we were instructed to open our wrapped gift boxes at the same time. It was a very light box and as teenagers do, we shook our individual boxes and began to guess what it was inside. To our surprise, it was tickets to see Prince's Purple Rain tour which was scheduled for 11/28/84 in Washington, D.C. at The Capitol Center.

I jumped around the house for a good ten minutes as my friends watch on with envy. The Purple Rain tour was the concert ticket to have. Being that the concert was sold-out (within minutes), my brother and I had given up the idea of even going. At the time, there was no internet purchases. Then you had to camp out for the hottest concert tickets or pay someone who camped out a very nice chunk of change, more than what my mom was going to pay. But somehow, as my mom did all of our lives (trip to Canada, my first flight to London, etc.) , mom made sure that her sons were exposed to some of the best that life had to offer a teenager. Thanks Mom!!

Again, at the time, I didn't know that this concert would change my life. I had never seen Prince in concert. And although I loved Sheila E.'s "The Glamous Life" (song only - didn't have the album yet), I initially wanted to see Prince. But the night of the concert, I fell in love.

I wasn't prepared for Sheila E's performance. She was supposed to be the opening act however, after she finished, Prince didn't even have to come on. I fell deep in love. I was amazed at this woman being so sexy yet so damn talented. Up until then, I thought Sheila was just another Prince protege. She proved otherwise, playing the drums and timbales like crazy, picking up a guitar and playing, choosing a man from the audience and singing in his ear, just working the stage with such confidence and talent. I was so upset that I wasn't closer when they chose someone from the audience (the first time I had seen this concert trick done) and died at the thought of it happening to me. (Little did I know that this would happen to me some twenty years later, that Sheila would choose me from one of her audiences and give me the opportunity to sing with her on stage.) Seeing Sheila E. in concert changed my life, reaffirming for me that I wanted to perform and solidifying me to a life of chasing this woman around the planet to see another Sheila E. concert.

I've seen everyone from Aretha Franklin to LL Cool J in concert. But neither of these make my Top Ten List of Favorite Concerts - (this was a later Aretha show and it wasn't as great as I expected). The truth be told, I've seen Sheila E. in concert about thirty times, no exaggeration. The Prince "Lovesexy" tour came to London at least four times in one week and I went to every show because Sheila E. was playing drums. Now I must give it to Prince because Prince is one of the few performers that when you see shows from the same tour, you get a different show each night (unlike Madonna, Janet or even Michael Jackson which takes perfection in itself). Sheila E. has learned this well from her mentor as I've seen her night after night and she gives a different show each time. With all this said, guess who's number 1 on My Top Ten List of Favorite Concert Performers...

1. Sheila E. and Patti Labelle
2. Janet Jackson
3. Luther Vandross
4. Prince
5. Michael Jackson
6. Madonna
7. Chante Moore
8. Rachelle Farrell
9. Jennifer Holiday
10. Jennifer Hudson

The most surprising on this list is Rachell Rarrell, not because of her talent but because I wasn't a fan at the time I first saw her live. I was clueless to the depth of her as an artist but was given her concert ticket at the last minute because a co-worker/friend had just broke up with his boyfriend the same day as the concert and so he didn't want to go. Out of wanting to not waste a concert ticket, I went to check her out. My GOD!! If you've never seen this woman in concert, it's a must-see before you die. She's a ball of underrated energy and her voice is an instrument in and of itself.

Lastly, as an "honorable mention" to this list is surprisingly - Brandy. I went to see her show, taking another friend's extra ticket and so, not to waste a concert ticket, went to see Brandy give a fab performance. I like Brandy's music but would have never guessed that Brandy would probably be listed as number 11 to this list.

The First Time Any Song Made Me Cry

2005-07-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

Luther's "A House Is Not A Home!"

I will miss this man and the new music that I'm sure was still to come. He is one of the few artists that has a career over decades and I still care even today. There's many artists that I note to love the earlier releases ONLY of their work - however, Luther's "I'd Rather" or "Dance With My Father" is just as classic as "Forever, For Always, For Love." I would have been all about ten more Luther CDs and let's not forget his concerts...who can touch this man?

We have truly lost one of the greatest in Soul Music today, certainly one of the best, most distinctive male vocalist of our times. No one will come close to what this man has offered to us through his music and spirit.

Top Ten Favorite Songs

2005-06-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been to the therapist a few times this week over the betrayal that I feel for torturing myself with choosing a Top Ten Favorite Songs List. The most painful acknowledgment is that there are ten songs I would place above Donnie Hathaway's "A Song For You." Ouch!! That hurts my fingers to type such craziness so I'm sure you can imagine what my head feels like. And so I don't have to visit the therapist three or four more times soon, let me go ahead and mention Boyz To Men "I'm Doin' Fine" which didn't cause as much stress as most artists on my list have songs recorded in the 70s. This is almost a requirement for a Top Ten Song list. With that said, here goes an attempt at such disloyalty. This should come with a "Do Not Try This At Home" warning. At least not without psychological help. Contact me first if you're needing help with finding a therapist that specializes in this area of expertise.

1. Desree's "Kissing You"
2. Alexander O'Neal's "Crying Overtime"
3. Aretha Franklin's "Hurts Like Hell"
4. Chante Moore's "As If We Never Met"
5. Jennifer Holiday's "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going"
6. Shirley Murdock's "Go On Without You"
7. Prince's "How Come You Don't Call Me"
8. Harold Melvin and The Bluenotes featuring Teddy Pendergrass "I Miss You"
9. Patti Labelle "If Only You Knew"
10. Alanis Morrisette's "You Outta Know"

Almost all songs, with one exception "You Outta Know" are songs that regularly bring me to tears when I listen to them. And Alanis Morrisette's entire CD has moved me so over the years countless times. For that song, it's not as much about bringing up the emotion all over for me, but more about how she captured the emotion so well with honest, raw lyrics. When I'm moved to tears over that song, it's more about the artistry of creating and that someone is so open, they can put together such lyrics and meloday to capture the emotion. And this emotion is not an easy one to admit to having and she just gave it like "WHOA!"

Surely in my Top Twenty list in no order would be Prince's "I Love You In Me", Teena Marie and Rick James with "Fire and Desire" and Billy Ocean's "Suddenly" - just to name a few more.

If you've never heard Prince's "I Love U In Me," pick up Prince's "B-sides" off of "The Hits." I first came to know this song in London as a bootleg. Then it was included on "The Hits" - the "B-sides" CD. Prince writes from a female perspective about his female partner saying to him "I love you in me." The "in" me meaning "inside" me and he sings it with such passion and layers of harmony that I imagine him singing it to me. I can't help but to go there in my head that His Purple Badness is underneath me singing...

Okay, that's my fantasy and I'm sticking to it.

A Song For Q

2005-06-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

I've been to so many parties in my life and times
I've heard a lot of songs
I've heard some bad rhymes
I've acted out a flirt in stages
10,000 people watching

And now that I'm alone,
I'm thinking of a song for Q

Thanks for reminding me of what I should already know.

My Top Ten Favorite Album/CDs

2005-06-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

How hard is this to do? What music means to me is impossible to capture by words. With that said, my attempt to create my "Top Ten" list of favorite albums/CDs will probably most serve as a reminder to me, what the soundtrack of my life has been. Surely, there have been certain songs (Top Ten Song List soon to follow) but this is the definitive, bench-mark albums/CDs for my life. These are the must-have full length efforts that if I were deserted on an island, I would chose to have with me. These are the CDs, that when listened to, changed and continue to change my life.

1. Aretha Franklin's "Sparkle"
2. Stevie Wonder's "Song In The Key of Life"
3. Sheila E's "The Glamorous Life"
4. Janet Jackson's "Control"
5. Michael Jackson's "Dangerous"
6. Prince "Sign O' The Times"
7. Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet"
8. George Michael's "Faith"
9. Sandra St. Victor's "Mack Diva Saves The World"
10. Alanis Morrisette's "Jagged Little Pill"

1. Aretha Franklin's "Sparkle" - I truly should say Aretha Franklin and Curtis Mayfield's Sparkle because Curtis Mayfield wrote the HELL out some songs and Aretha Franklin kills everyone of 'em. The best 30 seconds of recorded singing EVER to me is the background singers (Cissy Houston included) on song 1 - the title track "Sparkle" - towards the very end of the song with Aretha's untouchable hollars of adlibs. It's one of those moments in recorded music history that the industry should have shut down for at least a year in honor of what Aretha and the collective delivered. This woman's voice has yet to be touched and is one of our National Treasures. Sure, she has delived too much music to choose from that could end up on this list (any Aretha Franklin's Greatest Hits "pre-1980" and Aretha's "A Rose Is Still A Rose" included) however, "Sparkle" is my definitive all time favorite album ever.

I NEED TOM CRUISE TO SEE COLOR

2005-05-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

Watching Oprah today, I was disturbed by her conversation with Tom Cruise. Apart from the fact that I still wish Tom to be gay so that I can continue my dreams of at least one "session" with him, which was depleated (or inflated depending how you interpret his behavior) by his over-the-top expression of being in love with Katie Holmes. Somehow I'm finding it difficult to understand that this man who is so sensitive, caring and concious is also heterosexual - but that's another blog entry.

Anyway - Oprah asked Tom about his bi-racial son. Now, thanks to DVR, I can quote Tom and Oprah word for word. Naturally, you don't get tone and facial expressions in written words however, you can get an idea of why I'm so disturbed.

Oprah began, "You have a biracial son...it never seems to be, you never have mentioned it, you never mention race, yet your son is obviously of a different race. How did you? (Oprah, seeming to begin to ask with assumption that there's at least been internal discussion about what this means)."

Tom interupted, "He's from the human race. He's from man-kind. I don't see color. You know, I don't..."

Oprah's audience roared. Naturally, an audience of mostly white women who wouldn't understand any concern of why this isn't something to applaud.

Oprah then asked, as I thought in my mind..."Was it ever discussed in the family? Did you ever have a conversation about it? Did you ever have a conversation with him about it? Nothing? Never? Never even discussed in the family?

Tom proudly responds, "What's there to talk about? He's my son." What's there to talk about?" Tom, what planet do you live on? He continued, "it's a point of uh, listen, that's how I feel about it. He's my son. And I love him." (which obviously, he loves his son. You can hear it in his voice and hell, Tom Cruise as your daddy ain't a bad deal) But he continues, "I've never thought about that at all."

Oprah responds with a look of horror, "Really?" But you know Oprah's look of horror is disguise beautifully for her audience. Oprah's a master at strategically dealing with touchy subjects, never alienating her core audience. (again, another blog in itself)

Tom continues, "I've just not thought about that at all. I've just not thought about it."

Oprah says, "No, well, Listen. Obviously, I know you haven't thought about it. It's not an issue for you..." Oprah was almost about to go "there" but Tom interrupted...

"But not even for him..." (meaning it's not an issue for him). Tom continues, "I just don't believe in that. Were all in this together. And we all have to work it out together." Naturally, the audience again roared as Tom accepted his crown for the Queen of World Peace.

Huh? You don't see color. NEWS BULLETIN FOR CONSCIOUS, NON-RACIST WHITE PEOPLE. It's okay to see color. Actually, it's necessary to me for you to see color, to honor the history of our differences and how race plays into our positions on the planet. I need you to see my color to know that you have a respect for it, honor that it is there and a part of who I am. I need you to see color lending to your understanding of the outcomes from the institution of racism, to know that you have a respect for where I'm coming from as an individual.

Can Tom appropriately raise a biracial son without teaching and preparing him what it means to be biracial in America? I don't even know what race mix Tom's son is however, I see dark skin and so will so many others. The kids in Tom's son's school will see that his parents are white because so many other parents have taught their kids to see color and what will Tom's cute son say in response to him being non-white? When Tom's son is out on a date with his white girlfriend and realizes that their experience is getting serious, even if the two of them don't see color, the rest of the world will. Issues of race are prevasive in mixed race couples and shouldn't be ignored as if to say they don't exist. Will his son be prepared for what will come his way - all because of color? The police officer stopping Tom's son because he's driving too nice of a car though the streets of L.A. will see color. The list is endless in ways that make it important for Tom to see color and to honor the history of what his son's color means, and what it will mean in the future. How can anyone believe that there's not anything to discuss around color when we live in a world where color is often used to oppress?

I began by saying that I need Tom Cruise to see color. The truth of the matter is that one day it will become quite apparent that Tom's son, needed Tom to see color.

HIV Negative Man Charged With Felonies

2005-05-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

- May, 23rd, 2005

An HIV negative man has been indicted in Fulton and Clayton counties on felony criminal charges for allegedly engaging in consensual sex with seven other men without a condom and without knowing his HIV status, a violation of Anthony's Laws.

Mr. Justas Irresponsible, 37, of College Park, Georgia is charged with one count of reckless conduct in Fulton County and six counts of reckless conduct in Clayton County. All seven charges are felonies and punishble by law.

Anthony, who originally began prosecution of this case after Mr. Irresponsible declined on numerous occasions to be tested at countless AIDS service organizations that offer HIV testing for free, also filed a civil suit in State Court noting that HIV positive people have suffered enough mental abuse from those who believe reduction of HIV transmission should rest with those that are HIV positive. According to Anthony's Laws, there's a "No Tolerance" policy to such discriminatory views of transmission and anyone found relying on this unhealthy way of thinking in order to absorb their own personal responsibility in protecting their status will be subject to serve many years in fear of sero-conversion and/or a life sentence to being HIV positive. And leveling the field of punishment, Anthony's Laws have implemented a potential maximum prison sentence of ten years and additional fines.

"This is ludicrous," screamed Mr. Justas Irresponsible's attorney who was having difficulty reaching Anthony or other legal representation to help settle the matter. "How can someone HIV negative be charged with such a crime? What a ridiculous law? Where are the lawyers charging this case?" Ms. Julie Clueless, who proudly has attempted to prosecute numerous HIV positive people for lack of disclosure of their HIV positive status during consensual sex, but has failed on all occasions was livid. She attempted to reach Anthony by phone, leaving countless belligerent messages. The two spoke by phone days later in which Ms. Clueless demanded the attorney's prosecuting this case to be revealed. Anthony responded simply yet emphatically, "Ms. Clueless! This is Anthony's Law, I don't need lawyers to uphold my law. It is what it is. Now be gone before you're charged. Obstruction of justice is a crime too."

According to the Clayton County indictment, Mr. Irresponsible is accused of "infrequently using condoms," "knowing his risk for HIV and intentionally avoiding to be tested," "never discussing HIV with any of his sexual partners" a punishable crime due to the casual nature of most of Mr. Irresponsible's encounters, "hiding behind Georgia Law that rest disclosure of HIV status on those who are HIV positive" and lastly, the crime most punishable under Anthony's Law - "attempting to use Georgia Law to prosecute an HIV positive individual while being guilty of any of the above offenses to the law."

In 1998, Mr. Irresponsible attempted to access the then new Georgia Law requiring an HIV positive individual to disclose his/her status during sex. Unfortunately for Mr. Irresponsible, when he attempted to file the case, he met with Police Chief Anthony who interrogated the subject with a number of questions. Did you use a condom during the encounters with this man you would like to prosecute? Did you ever discuss HIV with this guy? Or with any of the people that you have sex with? Did you know your own HIV status at the time? Do you have a history of engaging in unsafe sex practices? After this line of questioning began, Mr. Irresponsible quickly decided not to file a case.

Mr. Irresponsible's current case has been assigned to Superior Court Judge Anthony who has been known to never set a hearing date in these cases and usually implements larger fines for those who fight for a hearing or trial. "I know my law and I've become very familiar with the hypocrisy of people who like Mr. Irresponsible, want to have a gift certificate that allows themselves little to no responsibility to protecting their own HIV status."

Under Anthony's Law, it doesn't matter if the person breaking this law is HIV negative or positive. The law clearly states that each individual is responsible for their own personal HIV status and that disclosure of a history of risky behavior is just as important to disclose as an HIV positive status. The law does further detail those your HIV status should not be left up to which includes husbands, wives, perfect or imperfect mates, boyfriends, girlfriends, tricks, pieces, sessions, snacks, educators, counselors, HIV positive or negative people. Although it makes all the sense in the world that a person would be angry at someone not disclosing their HIV positive status, Anthony's Law supports that it is just as stirring to know your risk for HIV while continuing to engage in risky behavior.

In 2005, no one has the freedom of not understanding the consequences of unsafe sex practices. We live in a world where HIV transmission happens everyday. The bottom line is that it takes two people to practice unsafe sex and each individual person choosing to engage unsafely must also sign on the dotted line of being responsible for the potential consequences of their actions. The consequence may include an HIV positive sexual partner not disclosing their HIV status during consensual sex.

In most cases, HIV doens't happen to someone who doesn't allow it to happen to them.

Monogamy: A Four Letter Word

2005-05-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

Undeniably, for no other conversation have I received so much hate mail. I'm baffled that because I've achieved a level of honesty with myself about my desire to have more than one sexual partner, I am often considered the anti-Christ. There has been such disdain directed at me for encouraging non-traditional relationship agreements to exist. Why shouldn't I be able to communicate a desire of sex with more than one partner to my partner, potential tricks or dates, friends and others.

For the record, I am not against monogamy FOR YOU. My position has been the same for the past few years and is not some manifestation of unaddressed bitterness or being jaded. I firmly believe, monogamy is a challenge for most men, and becomes a challenge within relationships the longer the two people are together. There, I've said it in a documented form so that hopefully, I won't be misquoted or misunderstood. In other words, if monogamy is for you and you can realistically achieve it, I applaud and support you.

But for most men, monogamy is a challenge and although intellectually, many of us will say that we want this for ourselves, many of us are incapable of delivering it to our relationships. And I won't rest on science or psychology that leads us to evidence of monogamy being a foreign concept for our species. I say many of us are incapable of monogamy because of our history of failure at it.

And please don't share your disagreement with this idea when you consider a long-term relationship two months. Even I've achieved monogamy for years and I don't even believe in it. Only after being in a relationship for many years, can we talk because your point of reference is naive.

Also, don't come to me telling me that you want monogamy with me, this is our goal as we build a new relationship, if you've never achieved it. You've cheated on your last three boyfriends and now you want to set that same restriction of monogamy for us because you have good intentions of achieving this lofty goal. I'm not that boy! I really don't need you to lie to me in this way. Nor do I need the lie of me being the only person you're sexually attracted to. I'm not that boy either!

What I need is your honesty. What I need and hope to find in this life is a world where we don't accept it as normal for lovers to not to be able to share with each other, what they share with their best friends. Where I see most of us living is in a world where sleeping with people outside your relationship is okay, as long as its hidden from your partner. I don't want to live in this world anymore. I've spent a lifetime of hiding my sexuality, I don't want to go back into a closet of hiding my sexual encounters.

What a history we could create for ourselves if we could be more honest about our sexual desires! Let's stop trying to impress the next man, your next ex-boyfriend because he too will find out that you're incapable of what you speak into most rooms for sake of not appearing to be whorish. For most men, monogamy is a four letter word, and this point is proven by our actions.

When Was The Last Time Music Made You Cry?

2005-05-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

I've just listened to Desree's "Kissing You" from the soundtrack of the modern day movie Romeo and Juliet and it does it to me every time.

A Charmed Life

2005-04-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had so many unrelated people say the same thing to you? This has been my experience all week. If I hear another person say the exact words " you lead a very charmed life" I'll swear it's the evidence of predestination unravelling before me, some already written script-of-the-week.

Because of very close friends in Xtreme Entertainment - www.xtremeentertainment.com, I've had the distinct pleasure of riding in a limo with Chante Moore today. She arrived here alone for the 2005 Women of Soul Concert here in Atlanta and it was my duty to make sure she got safely situated in her hotel. We chatted much about nothing and it meant everything to me being that I'm such a fan. But naturally, I kept it very professional and didn't let it show. I can't wait to sleep in order to scream in my dreams. Tomorrow, it will be picking up Deborah Cox and Shemar Moore from the airport and Saturday it will be none other than the fiercest musician on the planet, and my lifetime favorite performer - Sheila E. (My third time meeting her) I wonder if I'll have the opportunity to sing on stage with her again.

Wait a minute, it just hit me. I lead a very charmed life.

The Revolution Will Not Be Emailed

2005-01-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

You will not be able to stay home my brother
Sit in your comfortable chair stained by hours and hours of late night sessions of searchin’
Stay connected too cause of a new Broadband link
Part of the privileged black folk with computers and thangs
Mo gadgets got you confused that maybe social change occurs
With yo half-assed concern about the issues
I’m too busy right now
You should have done it this way advice for the activist few
Oh nah, my brother
The revolution will not be emailed

The revolution will not be this comfortable movement
That allows the cushions in your closet to stay fresh and cozy
For your odd-shaped head full of warped thoughts that somehow
You will be untouched by the remonstration
A protest affording you the right to ride the elevator with that white woman
Still afraid of you
Not only because you’re black but cause you’re sweet
And you thinking no one know
As you ride up to yo corporate office where the first thing you do is log on
Again I told you the revolution will not be emailed

You will not be able to open an empty document, start typing fast, format the text
Attach your care and concern and hit send
Hoping for an auto-response honoring your absentee ballad of participation
You won’t find the answer to oppression on Google
And Yahoo ain’t got no free plan that allows you the freedom to not involve yourself

The revolution will not be emailed
The revolution will not be lead by Hotmail, AOL, DSL or J. L. King
That you read E. Lynn Harris
Won’t give you a gift certificate entitling you to a chauffeur to the revolution
The revolution will have you in the driver’s seat
Seat belt or not, airbags or not
They’ll be no rebooting your ignorance after this crash
A dramatic change in the idea that all that’s black and gay can be evaded or devalued
Access to self-esteem will be an issue just like access to healthcare
And won’t be reserved for heterosexuals that missed the clue bus
It drives right down tenth pass the rioting gays in the streets
That will secure our better gay day
The revolution will not be avoided

That you regularly watch Will and Grace
Think Ellen is funny and should win an Emmy
Laughed while watching Queer As Folk
Is not evidence of your distress
Gil has already told you the revolution will not be televised
So you run to your computer for the answers on how to revolt
Though your inbox is full and your out box fuller
Again I say the revolution will not be downloadable
The revolution will not be emailed

The altercations on Men4Now, Men4RightNow, ICU, Adam4Adam
Won’t be mentioned in the history books that chronicles our revolution
The modernization of another chat room won’t free our people
The revolution will not be found in your key strokes
Looking for the love of your night
Or your jerk strokes squirtin’ it off to the right
That somehow you have 44 hours a week to perform
But couldn’t find three hours to alleviate the shame
That you didn’t even vote in the last election

The revolution will not make your inactivity appear sexy
Your gym membership to three different health clubs won’t prepare you for the fight
That you’ve got abs of steel don’t make you a warrior for the front line
Or any line of this revolution
The revolution will not look prettier on a 17 inch flat screen
You can’t upload your participation
The theme song will not be an MP3 that can be burned to CD without you singing in its chorus
You can’t download your participation
Have you even a jpeg of one of our leaders?
Who would all tell you
The revolution will not be emailed

The revolution will not keep you in your closets of fear, shame & self loathing
The revolution will not keep you in your closets of hate, bigotry &
Pompous to believe that your way of thinking is the only way
The revolution will not allow your closet of not so shocking homophobia
To exist in your house of immobile
That closet will be set on fire
Computer closets on fire everywhere burning the truth
That the revolution will not be emailed

The revolution will not allow you to engage in all this dialogue about brothers on the DL
Why men gotta lie?
Why these boogie men prey on us?
Why can’t I have a “get out of responsibility card” free in the age of AIDS?
Then in the next breath you call me faggot
The same faggot who will be on the front line
Helping to get your lovers into HIV treatment
Helping to save your heterosexual advantaged black ass

Look, I’ve got news for you
And maybe I can say it in a language that you understand
Welcome
You’ve Got Mail!
THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE EMAILED

An Open Letter To Bishop Eddie Long

2004-12-10T16:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Bishop Eddie Long: I write in opposition to your homophobic "Reigniting The Legacy" march to be held this Saturday and in response to the habitual offenses by local Atlanta and national Black churches against the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. Out of line with the third Covenant of your church to "walk and talk in the manner of love" that New Birth members must sign to be a part of your church, this weekend you and your congregation will walk for and talk hate which is not of God or love. Jesus Christ would not have attended this march and never spoke of homosexuality, certainly not about discrimination against LGBT or organized oppression of any group. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. who's legacy you've hijacked by carefully and deceptively crafting promotion of your march against a backdrop of The King Center would not have attended this march. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy is one of equality for all people that include protection of human rights of LGBT people. New Birth's attempt to twist this legacy is a mere ploy and evidence of pervasive un-Christ-like deception in order to further your agenda of hate, oppression and homophobia. I will be at The King Center on Saturday in protest alongside other LGBT persons and allies sending your congregation, the media and the nation a strong message that we will no longer sit in silence to your church's attempt to oppress LGBT people. That there are LGBT members in your congregation willing to sit in silence is not your gift certificate to oppress us. That LGBT members of New Birth are fattening your purse helping to fund this ignorant agenda is not an ordination for you to continue this hatred. It is simply evidence of the impact and pervasiveness of the oppression you perpetuate, the oppression to which you are Bishop. As you are fully aware, The King Center does not endorse your march and its primary focus as listed on New Birth's website http://www.newbirth.org/feature.htm calling for strategic policy direction for a Constitutional Amendment to fully protect marriage between one man and one woman. Your hijacking of the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is a blasphemous attempt to deceive the Atlanta and Georgia communities, the nation and the world. So why organize and march now, particularly with a primary focus of a non-threatening issue for a community plagued with numerous conditions that threatens our safety and survival? In your blatant disregard of so many other ills, many of which offends the protection of marriage, are you ignorant to your march's agenda being misguided? Why didn't your congregation call for a march to highlight a concern about the majority of unions, over 50% of marriages between one man and one woman ending in divorce in America? Your church even has a support group for divorce as listed on your website http://www.newbirth.org/counseling.asp#5. Active members of your congregation can get married and divorced three and four times and this is then supported with a New Birth support group. Your agenda is seriously confusing. Where was your call for full protection of marriage when Americans could vote by telephone to decide for one man who his one woman should be? And when that television sport of a "sanctified" union was annulled after the full publicity tour, why didn't your congregation march? Why didn't you march about the preponderance of prenuptial agreements and shotgun 55-hour marriages? Did you or anyone in your congregation, many of whom are guilty by participation in these threats, care about any of this? Or am I to intellectually understand that my struggle for equal treatment under the law, my struggle for equality is more of a threat to the protection of marriage? Even deeper, where was your march about absent fathers abandoning their children leaving unwed or divorced mothers to financially and emotionally head the family often times while swearing off men and marriage because of the habitual atrocities of some men. For this, you did not march. You could have marched for teen pregnancy or drug and alcohol abuse but did not. We are twenty-two-plus years into an epidemic of HIV where African-Americans are disproportionately represented, members of your church a part of AIDS statistics and you did not organize nor march. All of these issues threaten our community and ultimately the protection of marriage that you allege to be concerned about. These atrocities you've ignored for years, while this weekend you'll march in hate against the protection of human rights for LGBT people. It seems that your idea of full protection of marriage between one man and one woman is to fully protect heterosexual failure at achieving the sanctity that you claim to be concerned about. All while endorsing a support of continued heterosexuals' attempts at this "sanctity" that history proves most heterosexuals are unable to achieve. Please help me understand what it is that you want to fully protect. I, a black gay man living in Atlanta, will no longer sit in silence against you, your church and your congregation spewing hate & inequality my way. In line with the seventh item of the Covenant that your church members sign, I hope that this weekend, you too are being "slow to speak and swift to hear so as not to cause confusion or division with your ranks or outside your ranks." To date, you, leaders of New Birth, members of your congregation and The Black Church nationally has not been slow to speak or swift to hear as they habitually cause confusion and division outside the ranks of church, particularly your church. By organizing this march, you and your congregation have pledged a war on me as a black gay American who will die for my human rights and I will no longer sit in silence. I will not be silent this Saturday or ever against these habitual and pervasive offenses against me. Disgusted, Anthony Antoine McWilliams

My Birth

2004-10-21T01:35:00.000-07:00

My Birth

Told it was 1969
That’s a lie
Told I was 7 pounds 6 ounces
That’s a lie too
I remember that I was not nearly that small

Told that I was beautiful, the cutest little thing
More lies
That couldn’t be true
I don’t remember being beautiful
For years

Why is there nothing but lies surrounding my birth?

I remember visiting the mirror many times
For the truth
Surrounding the mystery
Searching for beautiful
And love

Til one day I visited the mirror
And saw beauty
And love
I met Me that day
I remember it
Not a day in the sixties
But days in early nineties

Unfolded the mystery
Erased the lies
The days of my birth

Playa to the Tenth For Getting a Trick To Your Hospital Bed

2004-06-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

The kids are driving down new streets in playa-ville. I got a phone message from a friend about his friend being in the hospital for an HIV related illness. While in the hospital, the guy logs onto Adam4Adam and sets up a trick session from his hospital bed. Without the trick knowing that he was going to a hospital, the trick shows up and carries through with the session, while an i.v. is in the guy's arm. Am I old school or what? Is this beyond or simply what we've become? Is this odd or an unspoken norm that has only come across my ears for the first time today.

I think about the boldness and courage of the person setting up the hook-up and wish for parallel boldness and courage. And then I imagine the desperation of the trick, to show up at the hospital and continue through with it, as if he couldn't find a session that wasn't in a hospital bed. Then it was shared with me that the Adam4Adam profile noted that the guy he was going to see was HIV positive.

Maybe this is a new unfolding resulting from honest communication. Maybe this is roads many travel in the age of AIDS. I guess if we're asking that folks be honest about their HIV status, we may have to be prepared for potential sessions in a hospital bed.

Am I a "HO" Quiz?

2004-06-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

If ever you have a question, these are the conditions by which a person is a “ho.” Again, don’t get mad at the messenger for bringing a truthful message. I didn’t even develop the message, its just those little qualities that a “ho” will tend to possess, qualities that even you may have but simply have forgotten about in order to not be defined in this manner. Again, The Gay Rules simply exist so that we all can get along. In maneuvering through the crazy world of gay dating, you will run into this measurement, even if its never spoken. This is the true measurement that is often taught in "HO 101" and establishes your “hoism.”

Have you ever had sex within minutes or even hours of first meeting someone?
Have you ever had sex with someone without knowing the person’s name?
Can you come close to the exact number of sexual partners you’ve had in your lifetime?
(within one or two partners)
Have you ever paid someone money or bought them a meal hoping the exchange would be sex?
Have you ever been paid for your sex, either prostitution or receiving gifts knowing the intention of the person giving the gift is to have sex?
Do you regularly have sex on the first “date?”
Have you had group sex more than once or twice?
Have you had sex with most of your friends?
Have you ever had sex with someone you met on the Internet?
Have you ever had sex with someone you’ve met in a bookstore, cruise park or cruise strip?
Do you find that you are preoccupied with thoughts of having sex at unusual times (funerals, church services, business meetings, talking to your grandmother)?
Have you slept with someone that you know you “shouldn’t have?” “Shouldn’t have is defined by you and your spirit but examples of these would possibly be (your best/good friend’s boyfriend, your boyfriend’s best/good friend, your girlfriend’s husband, your cousin, your minister)?
Have you had sex in public or while other people are watching?
Do you often times blame alcohol and/or drugs for your sexual actions?
Have you ever had sex in the gym?
Have you ever attempted to explain that oral sex isn’t sex?
Have you had sex with more than one person in a 24-hour period?
Have you ever met someone and after speaking with them, later realized and remembered having sex with them?

Answering yes to one or two of these, you are suspect for being a “Ho. ”
Answering yes to three or four of these, it is probable that you are a “ho.” Answering yes to more than four of these – and it is confirmed, YOU ARE A HO.

Now the statue of limitations hasn’t been established on the time period in which these acts could have occurred. If you are frantically trying to dismiss that you can answer “yes” to many of these but that the “yes” was so long ago, that you haven’t done some of these things in such a long time, it is probable that you are still a “ho.” If this is what you are doing right now, I give you another Gay Rule to help you establish your “hoism.”

"Once a ho, always a ho." It’s similar to the once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic rule. If you have ever been confirmed a “ho” by your actions, then you are always to be considered a “ho” with potential to back slide to your whorish ways. Now you may not be currently practicing however, you're still a “ho” or at best, a recovering “ho.”

Now I know that some of you are disappointed and may need to seek counseling after this revelation.

Excerpt from "Daddy's Wisdom: The Official and Definitive Survival Handbook for Gay Men"
by Anthony Antoine

-one of the three thousand projects in development for Anthony Antoine